This post will contain a shocking number of photos. Consider yourselves warned, my friends. I'm time travelling here. Fifth Birthdays are a time of unabashed Mummy blabbering. Deal with it.
Today, my sweet firsborn son, you are five. A big boy. I think about it, and I'm lost for words. How did this happen? How could my tiny baby boy be five whole years old?
We lay in your bed together tonight, as we so often do, before you drift off to sleep. You love that final, long snuggle of the day. You love me to rub your back or your hair. I told you how much I love you, and how proud I am to be your Mummy. When I told you you make me happy, I meant it, my amazing Alexander. You stroked my face, right before you fell asleep and said "I love it our hugs, Mummy. I love it". I love it too darling boy.
You bring such immense joy to your Daddy and I. We were so surprised when you came into our lives. Did you know that? Probably not. But one day we'll tell you the story. We'll tell you how you gave us (and so many people around us) something, a tiny piece of hope to hang on to in a terrible time.
Here are some of the very first photos of you (I haven't included the very first ones. Some people are a bit funny about blood). They are scans, so the quality isn't great, but I really wanted to include some on this blog.
Meeting Mummy and Daddy for the first time. I was so very relieved that you were ok, things were a bit scary for a few minutes there. You were just fine though.
Here is Daddy giving you kisses while we were still in hospital. You were so tiny in his arms. I loved (and still do) seeing you together. It's still my very favourite thing in the whole world (well, you know...that and coffee! But I know you understand. :) )
I love you, my sweet Alexander. I love you so much, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. Like I have so much love for you that it takes up every single inch of my body. There's somethng so utterly sublime about holding you. You don't fit in my arms quite the way you did when you were tiny, but somehow, your head still fits on my shoulder, and for that moment, all is right in both of our worlds.
You're getting such a big boy, you know. So tall and lanky, like your Daddy. Who'd have thought that our chubby little baby would be such a bean by the time he was 5? Look at these photos of you in your first months!
You changed so much. Look how chubby you got (at aroud 3 months you turned into our little Michelan Man).
Some more of my favourite photos of you. You were always so happy, even when your Aunty Arlene did unspeakable things to you...
You were still tiny here, just 5 weeks old. This is at Uncle Jacob's wedding. You used to look at your Daddy like that all of the time. Your big (at the time) blue eyes would follow him around, and you'd gaze so adoringly at your Daddy, like he hung the moon. I think maybe we have that in common. :)
I love this picture of you in the bath, I love how your eyes sparkle. They still do that, you know. It's maybe my favourite thing about you, the way your beautiful eyes light up when you're happy.
About a year ago, you became afraid of the bathtub. You have something called autism, and one of the things it can do is make you frightened of things a lot. Very frightened. In the last year you've become frightened of music, television, movies, the bath, pools(but not the beach). Lately you've been working through some of these fears, and just this week, you've decided that baths are your favourite thing in the world again. I'm so proud, Alexander. What a brave, strong boy you are.
It's so much fun to watch you in the bath, and I love that you like to bathe with your baby brother. You tell him all about swimming and show him your snorkel mask (which you insist on taking in with you. Mummy might have to get a photo of that soon, just to prove to you when you're bigger).
You've just started school. It was a bit scary for both of us. But we're just three weeks in and you love it already. Your teachers at both schools have told me how wonderfully you're doing, and Daddy and I are so happy for you. We're proud of our big boy. I know we tell you that a lot, and you don't really know what it means yet, but we can't help but tell you. One day you'll understand, and you'll be glad we tell you a lot.
You still love the Wiggles, and have no idea about Spiderman or Yucky Turtles or anything nasty like that. I know that lots of boys your age love those things, playfighting and guns and swords. You at this point, have no clue of any of these things, and I'm so glad. I want you to stay my sweet boy as long as you can.
You're five. Your Daddy and I have had you for five whole years. But just between you and I, Alexander Jordan. I've loved you much longer. I've loved you my whole life. I was born to be your Mummy. Thank you for making it the most wonderful job in the world. Thank you for being the best thing I've ever done in my life.