I'm In Love.

Completely. I heart Olivia Poole. She will be forever my hero. I thought I might have been in love with Jenn. Was pretty sure I had a crush on Ave. Sadly, those two pale in comparison to my new love.


Go on. See if you can tell me why without Googling. :) I'll be back with pics (even video if I can figure out how.

The One Where I admit my shameful literary secret.

Ok. So. Here's the thing.

I want to like it. I do. I was so excited when I bought it, caressing it's new pages on the drive home, imagining myself lost in this new world. I imagined that I'd fall in love with it, and count it among my top 5 books. After all - She did. And, as you know, I just heart her. And someone else did too, but for the life of me now, I can't work out who it was.

But it was one of those books I'd never read. Don't know why, it just hadn't really jumped out and grabbed me the way a good book does. But I'm determined this year to read all of the classics that I haven't read. Well, not all of them, I guess. But quite a few.

Certainly, I'd like to read the books out of the Top 100 that I've not read yet. And she seemed a good enough place to start. So on my last trip to my idea of heaven (Sigh. Just need to stop a moment and reminisce....) I reached out and took her right from the shelf. (It was a toss up, Jenn, between that and Tennyson. I think I made a mistake).

Got her home, and made myself finish my other book first. Didn't want to rush ahead. Savour her. Savour the anticipation. She'd be worth the wait, of course. How could she not? I was falling in love with just the thought of discovering a new kindred spirit. I knew we'd be immediate friends, soulmates. I knew she'd become a comfort to me. Not, perhaps, quite like Elizabeth or Anne. But that isn't her fault. She wasn't swooped up and devoured by 10 year old Melissa. Nothing could ever be that perfect again, could it?

And finally, finally I was ready. I made a cup of tea (becuase, between you and I, a good book simply must be begun with a lovely cup of tea. I can drink coffee the rest of the time, but the beginning simply must have tea), and settled down to read.





Then it happened. I've been too scared to tell you about it. But it's been 3 weeks now. And I don't know how to say it. But it happened.

Or should I say, it didn't happen. The problem is that nothing happened. At all. I've restarted this book 3 times now. I can't seem to get on. I was primed to fall in love people. But we don't seem to have any chemistry.

How can this be? How could we not be right for each other? I wanted to be in love? I wanted to be excited. But..I'm struggling to pick it up again. I find myself wanting it to just be done already so I can settle in and read my next book.

What to do? Do I keep going? Should I persist? Will it be worth it? Tell me it'll be worth it. Maybe I should step away, read something that's simply *fun* and come back to her later?


Tell me what books you've read that you feel like you *should* like, and simply didn't?


Think she'll still want to be my friend? ;)

To the Idiot of a Medical Receptionist....

When someone calls and says "I'm becoming increasingly concerned about my son's breathing. His nebs aren't lasting so much as 20 minutes. He's unable to speak more than 4 words at a time. He is using his stomach muscles far more than I'd like, and his resps are far too high", please don't ask if she'd like to make an appt tomorrow.

When she insists that not only does she intend to have him seen to now, but is currently in the car, please don't suggest that five hours from now might be a better time.

When she gets there, and her son is clearly in distress, lying on the FLOOR OF YOUR FREAKING SURGERY, having now gone frighteningly QUIET, please don't make her wait 40 minutes to see someone. Please learn a thing or two about how dangerous asthma can be.

Alexander has been off Predisone less than a week. I'm not an idiot. I've been dealing with severe asthma not just his whole life, but mine as well. I know when it's time to have him seen.

When the Dr finally saw him and listened to his chest, commenting that his breath sounds were terrible, and it just wasn't getting in there, I should have asked her to have your incompetant ass fired.

TO THE PHARMACIST

When I bring you a script for redipred, and ask you if it will be long, because he's in the car (with SIL) having an asthma attack and needs a neb NOW, please don't assure me you'll be quick, and then ignore me for 20 minutes. There's a chance you'll simply PISS.ME.OFF.


Dicks.

Some of these are creepy....

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that. People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts. You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you. People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

What Your City Walk Means

You are thoughtful and contemplative. You enjoy spending time alone with your thoughts. You are very introverted. You generally prefer quiet time by yourself to most social interactions. Money is fairly important to you. You aren't super greedy, but you enjoy spending money on yourself. You are curious about ideas. If you had the means, you'd like to explore the whole world.

The City Walk Personality Test

What These Roses Say About You

You are a classic romantic who believes in true love. You often experience deep emotions and feel warmth toward almost everyone. You are a bundle of positive feelings and sweetness.

What Do The Flowers You Pick Say About You?

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are compassionate, caring, and soothing. You like other people to depend on you... In fact, you don't feel right unless you are helping someone out. Underneath it all, you feel the burden of everyone's problems. Without your guidance, you fear that many people's worlds would fall apart. You like to feel in charge, even if it brings you a lot of stress.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Are Disturbingly Profound

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and very intense. Taking time to figure out the meaning of life is a priority for you. Because you're so introspective, you often react in ways that surprise people. No one can really understand how you are on the inside... and that disturbs them.

Are You Disturbingly Profound or Profoundly Disturbing?

You Are 64% Obsessive

You tend to have obsessive thoughts, and sometimes these cross over into your daily life. While everyone does have a few weird rituals, you have to work to keep yours from taking over your life.

How Obsessive Are You?

You Should Be a Politician

Confident, assertive, and dedicated - you know what you want in life and how to get it. Stubborn and opinionated, you can stand your ground... even if it's unpopular. And while you have strong views, you never overwhelm people with your opinions. A true charmer, you subtly influence people into seeing things your way. You do best when you: - Work according to your own rules - Can change the world with what you do You would also be a good lawyer or talk show host.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

Split

I was completely torn between the two pics so did this one twice. I know. I'm stalling. But do you want to come over and mop my floors?

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people. You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together. Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly. People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others. You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Mmm...not so sure I like the sound of the last bit..

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Probably about right

From Cesca's wall...

You Act Like You Are 30 Years Old

You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! You're responsible, wise, and have enough experience to understand a lot of the world. You're at the point in your life where you understand yourself pretty well. You are figuring out what you want... and how to get it!

What Age Do You Act?

How about you?


Not you, Mary. You're not allowed. You don't like tags. ;)

Feeling more Sally than Sybil

I'm doing ok. It was a bad day, but yesterday was better, and today better again. I'm not sure why I was so easily flattened on Monday, but I was and it's done now. There are times (quite a few of them at the moment) when I truly wonder whether putting this photo up on my desk is, in fact, a very bad idea. Whether it is simply too hard for me to sit at this keyboard and see her eyes all of the time.

Another post for another time, perhaps.

Mostly, I just wanted to touch base. I'm really, honestly ok. But I'm terribly touched by your words the other day. The emails I receieved, and the comments left on here were heartwarming, and I'm so grateful to know I have you. My dear, dear friends, (and I really do think of you girls that way, I don't care if I've never met you) thank you for being there for me.

I hope, one day, I can return the favour.

Joel thinks this would be a very bad time to blog.

The last time I felt this way was 9 years ago, (on the one year anniversary of my first miscarriage), after no less than 17 drinks (turns out someone was spiking them, and giving me triples).

This time, it took only 2 and a half glasses of wine and a veeeeeeery empty stomach.

Anyone want to strap on and get a birds eye view of the inner working of my mind?

No? Probably best.

Raw

We were having a beautiful morning today, and I decided to take the boys for a quick trip to the shopping centre to get some more play doh for Alexander.
We were not more than 3 steps into the centre when I stopped dead, and my heart started racing.

There, in front of me, was a stand, with products raising money for families living with Motor Neurone Disease. My heart was in my throat as we approached, me unable to walk by.

The gentleman began to talk to me "Motor Neurone is a terrible degenerative disease", he starts. "Yes" was all I could manage. I know my eyes were glistening with the tears I tried so hard not to shed. I know he looked worried as I failed, one of them spilling over onto my hot cheeks.

"My mother. She had - died of MND. I was her carer".
"So you know" he whispered.
"I know".

Alexander was looking up at me, clearly confused. He loved the little teddy, and asked if he and Sam could have one each. I stood there, dumbly, just staring at the cornflower. I fingered the teddy, so soft and bought two for the boys. One each.
"These are your very special teddies, Xander. These are your Nana teddies. They're your teddies for your nanna".
"Wow. Nanna teddy. Thank you so much".
It didn't matter how I worded it, it sounded foolish in my eyes. I know he doesn't understand death, and he doesn't really know about her (he can't grasp the concept, I've tried). But I wanted him, needed him to understand that this was important to me, to us. I needed him to feel that this was special.

Somehow, he grasped something, because he lovingly carried it around the centre for the rest of the morning.

We bought our playdoh. We went to the fruit and veg market. We went to the pharmacy. We were silly together. We jumped. We kissed. We giggled. We bought Rum Balls for Daddy and a doghnut for Xander. But we kept walking past that stand. Over and over again, I'd find myself just staring.

It was set up near the entrance, and as we were leaving, I heard the volunteer talking to a woman. She looked harried and as aghast as I. I lingered, wondering if she knew too. If this was as special to her as it was to me. I wish I hadn't. She certainly did. Her 12 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed! I've never heard of a child with the disease. I didn't stay. My eyes burned once more with tears I was determined this time to contain.
I hurried back to the stand, buying 3 pens and giving him every last cent in my wallet. I went home with my children, and spoke about their Nana.

It's 3 hours later. I'm still shaking. The tears are still threatening. I can't stop thinking of her. I'm typing this, and at this exact moment, I'm lokoing at the photo I put on my desk of her and Dad (I put it there just last week, after posting it on here. It's the first time I've put a pic of her in a prominent place since she died). I'm lokoing at her eyes, and the tears, finally, are doign as they please, tracing their way down my face, so similar to hers.





I don't know how I'll stop. I dont' know if I want to stop. When will this get easier?



God I miss you.

Like A Lead Balloon.

Just kidding. It went exactly as I'd hoped.*


I stayed on Friday morning to see Alexander do his presentation. It was adorable. He proudly stood and addressed the class, and with Mrs Moore, they went through the scrap book and talked about what he and Scruffy had done together.

He's been reenacting it for us all day. :)


Anyway, after they were done, I went to leave, and handed her the letter, in an envelope. I said "This is the PG rated version". She looked confused, but opened it up. Took one look at it, saw the pic of him playing poker and cracked up laughing. She couldn't read it at the time, as class had started, but said she'd have a good read at Morning Tea.

Anyway, at lunch time, I had to call the school for something else. One of the receptionists answers. I get as far as "Hi, it's Melissa" before she cracks up and says "I've literally JUST read your letter".

"Err. What letter?", I offer weakly, wondering if it is worth an outright denial.
"Your letter to Anne Marie".
"Oh. You've read that?"
"Darling, I don't think there's a staff member in the entire school who hasn't read it. It's the funniest thing I've read in ages".


Phew. So it's gone well.

Anne Marie called me a couple of minutes later, after having lunch duty. She said she read it at morning tea, and took it into Shane's (the Principal) office right away. She said that he almost wet himself laughing. And then proceeded to make multiple copies of it, distributing them around the staff room for everyone to read.

She then made 35 copies of her own, and sent one home to every parent in her class, with an attached note saying

To all Prep A parents,

Please find enclosed a serious complaint I have receeived from a parent from this class. I offer this as warning to any family who has not yet had Scruffy stay with them, and offer my apologies to any who have, and who may have been hurt by his behaviour. Scruffy will be seeking treatment over these holidays".


:)


She tells me she has the entire holidays to 'plan her revenge'. Should I be nervous????










*Though there was this one parent...Anne Marie and I were talking and this other mother was waiting to talk to her. Anne Marie asked her if she'd read her letter, and she hadn't so she took it out. She opened it, scanned it and rolled her eyes, shoving it back into it's envelope. "One of our Mums has a wicked sense of humour", offers Anne Marie, slightly uncomfortable. "Sure. Except the thing is that now every other poor parent who's going to have Scruffy is going to have to try to think of something funny to do", she snaps, glowering at me.

All About Scruffy - And Someone Tell me She'll See The Funny Side.

So. Scruffy is Alexander's Prep Class' visiting puppy. He spends two days with each student in the class, and they write about the visit, including drawings and photos.

Of course, we sent back the G Rated Version. But I had some concerns about Scruffy's behaviour in my home.

I decided that I couldnt' let it rest, and that Alexander's teacher should be made aware of what was going on. I have included a copy of the letter. Tell me if you think it's too harsh.

Dear Anne Marie,

As you know, I'm terribly shy, and find it difficult to talk to teachers face to face. (At this point, the gig may, as they say, be up). But something is bothering me and I cannot in good conscience let it go.

I'm concerned about the influence that the Prep A puppy "Scruffy" may have over our children. This is such a formative age for them, and I'm sure you'd agree we need to be terribly careful about those we allow to spend time with them.

I thought the idea of a visiting pup was an excellent one. It was heartwarming to see how excited Alexander was about having his turn with Scruffy. All seemed well on the first day as Alexander kept Scruffy close by in all of his regular activities.

It was Thursday that I noticed a trend that alarmed me. I came home from the school drop-off to be confronted with a shocking sight.




I don't consider myself to be uptight, but I do feel strongly that 10.00 am is far too early to breaking into a host's liquor cabinet.

I put the alcohol away, ensuring it was out of Scruffy's reach. I had to go and do some shopping, and I figured that he'd be just fine entertaining himself. I can't say, however, that I was thrilled with the mode of entertainment your 'puppy' chose.







I think it's clear that this game wasn't so 'fun' for another member of our family.

I was concerned about the alcohol consumption, but not nearly so much as what I discovered earlier this evening.





Surely, if nothing else, we can agree that we don't want the children in your class exposed to drug paraphernalia? At the age of 5?

I was prepared to let all of this go. I thought perhaps he was simply struggling with the demands of constant travel, a lack of consistent, reliable guidelines perhaps, and that over the school holidays you would be able to settle him down a little and restore some values and encourage him to make better choices.

However, as I helped him pack up his box, I was dismayed to discover that he had stolen from us. Despite our hospitality, he had no problem stealing money, jewellery and our car keys (He even took Samuel's). Heaven only knows how he managed to get the digital video camera into his box. I'm terrified that he has managed to pursuade some of Alexander's toys to help him.





Please, consider this an official complaint. I would like to see Scruffy placed in a treatment program and kept away from our children until such time as you can guarantee that he will not lead any child astray again.






Unless of course, he wants to teach me how he managed to dispose of his opponents so effectively in poker. That could prove useful.



Thank You for your time. I am sorry to be the bearer of such bad news, but I feel it is my duty as a parent to inform you of the situation.


Yours Sincerely,

Melissa Mitchell.

Think she'll see the funny side? She's pretty great, and we get on well.

1000 Hours.

Did you know that it is estimated that autism affects 1 in 160 Australian Children.
Did you know that about one child (in this country alone) is diagnosed with autsim every hour?
Did you know that there are more than 30000 Australian families currently directly affected by autism?

Mine is one of them.


Alexander on his last day in the E.C.D.C, with his teacher, Caryn.





I know you're all probably well aware (or completely over hearing), Alexander is autistic. Now his autism is pretty mild, compared to many that I know. He's just been graduated up to full time Prep, and is no longer registered with the ECDU.
He's doing fabulously, and at this point, things are cruising along pretty well.

But this is rarely the case with autism. In fact, I sometimes feel like a bit of a fraud. We've found great ways to manage his issues, we know his triggers and have had wonderful success with the work we've done with him. We're the lucky ones.

Many have such a difficult time. A difficult time at home. A difficult time getting a diagnosis. A difficult time getting, and paying for treatments and early intervention.

It simply should not be this way. Yesterday was World Autism Day. April is World Autism Month. Over the coming weeks, I am going to be speaking about this issue quite a bit. But I don't want it to just be from our perspective, though of course, there will be plenty of that as well. I'm going to try to get some other people, dealing with autism (different severities, different circumstances) to do guest posts on here.

I want my readers (and me, theres' so much for me to learn as well from these amazing parents, and their beautiful children) to learn more about autism. To learn more about what is needed.

In the meantime. Can you do me a favour, dear readers? Can you do something small, to make an enormous different in the lives of these families?

Can you go to this page? Please read this, and if you feel you can, register your support for this program. It would mean so much to me, and to so many families. It'll just take a moment.


Pics from today, with Scruffy, his class project. More about that later.

Scruffy and Alexander, sitting at his desk.


Playing guitar for Scruffy.



Playing Thomas with Scruffy.

Mad As Hell

This morning as I was driving home from the school drop-off, I was pssed by an ambulance, lights flashing, sirens blaring. They were in a hurry, and of course, we all got out of their way.

I've probably not told you this, but I tend to get sad when I see an ambulance in full flight. Because, however it turns out, someone is probably having a very bad day. Someone is frightened. Someone is heartbroken. Someone is praying to anyone or anything they can think of to keep their loved one alive.

So. Whoevr that ambulance was racing to this morning. I was thinking of you. Whoever you are, I pray that right now you and your family are together, relieved and happy for a second chance.

Use it. Be safe.




Which leads me to my next point. This makes me so incredibly angry.

Ambos get hoax 000 call over baby
Tuesday Apr 1 12:17 AEDT
Ambulance workers in far north Queensland are seething over a "disturbing" hoax phone call on April Fool's Day.

Queensland Ambulance Service spokesman Andrew Christie said a Cairns woman rang 000 around midnight and screamed that her baby had fallen off the bed and stopped breathing.

The woman received CPR advice from the Cairns ambulance centre operator and gave the impression she was following instructions, Mr Christie said.

He said the woman hung up twice but continued the instructions when the ambulance operator called her back.




The hoax was only discovered when two ambulance vehicles arrived at the woman's White Rock residence.

Two intensive care paramedics were on their way from Cairns Base Hospital but were called back after the hoax was uncovered.

The matter was referred to police and the woman could now face criminal charges.

It is not known if the call was intended as an April Fool's prank.

Mr Christie said hoax calls to emergency services were not uncommon but said Tuesday morning's call was "particularly insidious".

"This type of call is disturbing to everyone involved, particularly when you've got a baby involved and to find out it's a hoax later on is really distressing for the call-taker," he told AAP.

"They put that effort, professionalism and calm manner into the call and it's an emotional toll that they take."

Mr Christie said hoax calls potentially put lives in danger.

"They are pulling valuable resources away from people who might need it," he said.

How.Dare.She. How dare she scare people that way? I sit here and I imagine the emergency centre operator's heart racing as she hears of a baby in danger. The sweat beads on her forehead as she delivers her instructions. The bitter taste of adrenalin as she waits for the paramedics to reach her patient.

The sick, foolish feeling in the pit of her stomach when they call her back to tell her it was a joke. A freaking joke. How dare she?

I imagine the racing heart, the beads of sweat, and the terror as someone waits for that siren to signal that help has arrived for their loved one. The fear as the ambulance takes longer and longer to arrive, because it has been diverted to somewhere else. Who knows. Maybe noone's life was in danger this morning because of this repulsive prank. But it could have been.

How dare she?

Cracks me Up.

I haven't put a funny video up for a while. I've had this one saved for weeks, keep meaning to show you.


This made Joel and I laugh (A LOT) because this is sooooooooooo my Dad! :)

How do you do it?

How often do you check blogs? Do you have blogs that you check in on every day? As you have your morning coffee? Later in the day, while the little ones are asleep? Late at night when everyone's in bed and the house is still?

How do you blog?

I just checked my 'every day' blogs. The ones I check at least daily. I was a little surprised by how many.. there are over 20.

Not all of them update daily, but I still by force of habit, check them.

This doesn't include all of the blogs I check in on every few days.

Wonder if I need to get out more. Has helped kick some of the EB habit, but am I just replacing one vice with another? I don't care. I love you girls more. :)

Err..

Read the comments after Phantasms. Tell me what you think. It sounds like a beautiful project. But should I? What if I want, at some point, to write it myself? Could I still do that?