My boys, that is. When Alexander was born, we intended him to be an only child. My health is poor and we just didn't think it was a good idea to have another child. Not fair on me, not fair on Joel and certainly not fair on Alexander. My own experience at the time, estranged from all 3 of my siblings, certainly was tainting my views on the matter.
When he was about 2, I started to get a niggling feeling. Not cluckiness, not even close. But regret. That my son, filled with such a loving spirit and generous heart, would never be a big brother. That he would have no sibling to follow him around, adore him, play with him. That he would be, or already was, lonely.
Joel and I would watch him outside, playing on his swing set, all alone. Talking to himself, or just swinging, saying nothing. And our hearts ached a little. We suddenly felt a sense of loss for Alexander, and after much discussion, decided to have another baby.
Of course, as many of you know, it took more than 2 years, and 3 losses, but finally, Samuel Thomas entered our lives. And while Alexander seemed happy enough, that connection was lacking. Obviously, Sam was a baby, so we knew it would take time for them to fall in love.
The time has come, my friends. My two sons are completely, utterly and deliciously devoted to one another. It is intense, it is hilarious and it is heartwarming. No two children ever loved each other more or craved each other so.
So much so, that they've moved in together! Alexander begged and begged, often sneaking into Sam's cot to be with him.
We agreed, a couple of weeks ago, to let them have a 'sleepover', moving Alexander's matress in for a weekend. And that, my friends, was that. They've refused to be apart since. A week later, we moved the bed in. They are thrilled. You can't imagine the smiles on our faces the first morning when we heard them discover one another. A gasp from ALexander. Sam! A chuckle from Samuel. Then, at the exact same moment, ear shattering squeals. It was divine.
The first time. Of course, it happens that way every morning, lol and sometimes morning is being generous. More than once we've heard a loudly whispered "Sam..are you awake, Sammy? Saaaammmmmy..." then a giggle from the latter.
Nothing excites either more than the prospect of a bath. "Brothers in the Bath!" Alexander will exclaim, and Samuel's legs will kick like nothing I've ever seen, as his arms fly about (usually taking out the face of whichever parent drew the short straw and had to carry him into the bath) and he sqeals as loudly as his brother. In fact, the new favourite game in this house appears to be a squealing competition. Literally. A competition to see who can squeal louder. Sam wins, in case you wondered.
They splash and yell and make altogether too much mess and too much noise. While Joel and I take it in turns to attempt to sternly reprimand the boys about bath safety while the other chuckles and awwwws at how cute they are. We are pathetic. Honestly.
They are already different boys though. Alexander is our sensitive soul. Caring and obsessed with everybody being happy. Hates for anyone to be sad or grumpy or anything less than thrilled with life.
He is smarter, I think, than even we had realised. He astounds us with the things he knows and does. His favourite sentence at the moment.."Oh, I'll just google it!). His reading is amazing but his computer skills have left us reeling, and installing a net nanny faster than you can say You Tube.
He loves his family and wants nothing more than to snuggle at home with us, or hold hands at the park with his loved ones. Noone can fail to notices his enormous, expressive brown eyes, breathtaking lashes and sweet little face. His features quite perfect at times with manners and nature to match. He is gentle and kind and good and quite probably the best thing I've done in my life.
Samuel is going to be my daredevil. I can tell he'll be my snowboarding, base jumping, dude saying, beanie wearing son. Turning me grey and charming everyone with his cheeky grin, big blue eyes and luscious curls.
He is so extreme either beside himself (angry or sad) or in love with life. He squeals and yells with equal fervour. He laughs at nothing and cries at the drop of a hat. He loves his father and his brother like nothing in this world (well, except maybe custard!) and snuggles in so that your heart just melts. He loves Thomas the Tank Engine and Baby Shakespear, his Uncle Josh and trees swaying in the breeze captivate him. He HATES (with a passion) bibs and mandarins, his cot and being left alone. For so much as a second.
He's been working on his eighth tooth now for more than a month, and has so many ear infections, I swear, I've lost count. His Child Health Nurse came out to see him today (can you believe my baby boy is now 10 months old????) and noted that his anterior fontanelle has completely closed. She's a little concerned (though he seems to be meeting all of his milestones) so we're off to get it checked out next week, as well as begging for a referral to an ENT. She has also referred me to a psych.
Speaking of teeth....
Yes. I cried. Like a baby.
Monday, 28 July 2008
Saturday, 19 July 2008
That when you sit down with Mr 5 and make a new house rule "No cutting our brother's heads off", all sharp implements would be implied, yes? Not just a toy kitchen knife or other miscelleneous kitchenware.
But no. Tonight, saw an ammendment.
"No cutting our brothers' head off with a saw, either".
Just so we're clear.
Monday, 14 July 2008
It would appear that sleep deprivation is a bit of a bugger. Can do terrible things to your head, bring back PND that you thought was wonderfully under control and turn you into a raving lunatic, incapable of forming complete sentences (literally) let alone see her way clear of what really was just a very, very bad few weeks.
Sorry about that. Thank you for checking on me. Simone, you were completely right of course, and your words actually gave me a bit of a kick up the pants. Thanks for that. Though, I think I bruised.
We're ok. It's just that we were (are) both so freaking exhausted right now. Sam has been a nightmare. In the day, he refuses to be out of my sight. I have to be looking at him, talking to him 100% of the time. I have to put him in the pram just to go to the toilet. And night time - well that's when things get really bad.
All week, I told myslef it'd be fine. BIL and SIL were going to take the boys all day Friday for me, so I could sleep. I hung onto that promise like it was keeping me alive. You know where this is going, right?
They didn't show. Didn't call. Nothing. And I was so distraught, I couldn't even call them to find out what was going on. I couldn't speak, and I could not stop crying. I literally was hiding in my wardrobe, sobbing. And they both found me, and Sam was climbing up me, and I was crying harder, and Alexander thought it was a game, so he was copying Sam. I really think, at that moment, I'd lost my mind, and I was begging them to get off me.
And I knew that even though I'd been so horribly let down, that when Joel got home on Friday, I was taking a sleeping pill and sleeping all night. We'd talked about it and it was all sorted.
He got home at 5. At 4.30, Xander had gone to the bathroom and cried when he peed. I asked him if he was ok, and he said yes, it was a bit sore. I made a note to watch that carefully, and mention it to JOel, so he could do the same.
At 5.15 Xander was sitting on the bathroom floor, hysterical. We asked him what was wrong. He said "My penis hurts. It won't wee". Of course, we knew what was coming. So we eventually convinced him to try. It trickled out, and fell onto the toilet seat. Completely pink urine. Lots of blood. And an inflamed penis too. Out of the blue (we are pretty strict with him keeping himself clean).
So. No sleep, of course. Rushed him off to an after hours clinic to have a Dr be really horrible to us both. Severe inflammation of the foreskin and very, very severe UTI. He prescribed strong antibiotics and two different oinments and said to keep him on painstop, and said if he deteriorated at all, to rush him to the ED. He said he'd be surprised if we didn't end up in the hospital by morning.
So. Rough, rough night for both of our little ones. Sam's ears and throat were worse, so he was put on a very strong Antibiotic as well. Our fridge looks like a pharmacy.
Anyway. After all of that, and how I'd been, on Saturday I honestly felt like I was out of my body. A fatigue I don't know how to describe. And I just hated the world. Everything Joel said or did p!$$ed me off. Which is highly unusual for me, as he's got to be the easiest person in the world to live with. And unfortunately, he was tired too, so we were snapping and snarling at each other all morning. It was horrible. I was by far worse than he was. He at least made an effort to be civil. I coudln't bring myself to speak, to acknowledge his efforts or to look at him. Poor guy. So he stopped trying (as you would when faced with such appalling treatment) and I was shattered. As we drove to his parents house for a family lunch, I demanded he take me home and go without me.
I came home, blogged and cried for an hour before falling into a fitful, nightmarish sleep. I woke up 2 hours later to Alexander and Joel snuggling with me, a gift on my bedside table and such shame at my behaviour.
I'm a horrible, horrible person. They all deserve so much better. I'm going to do my best to be better. For them. And for me. Am getting my hair done at 11, hopefully it'll make some kind of difference, even if it's a superficial one. I've not had my hair done at all this year.
Alexander (Who finally, last night was able to pee without crying!!) goes back to school tomorrow. I'll try to start getting Samuel into something resembling a routine. This will pass, right? And things will start looking up. I'll be me again and this past month or so will just be a memory.
Saturday, 12 July 2008
Friday, 11 July 2008
You may remember, a few weeks ago, I talked about a couple of people I care about, due to have babies soon. Both facing serious complications with their precious little ones.
Well, Donna today gave birth, at 35 weeks, to Jonah Thomas. He was born at 1.05pm and weighed in at 2.1kgs. And, very, very surprisingly, there is no sign of Downs Syndrome, which was expected. I know very little, except that apparently they are both well, and he is doing wonderfully with his feeding.
Welcome to the world, little Jonah. You've been so, so desperately wanted for such a long time. Your Mama and I used to talk about you, imagine you, and my little boy Samuel (you both share a middle name). Your Mummy and I wanted so much for another shot at loving a little baby. And now, here you both are.
Donna, my dear, sweet friend. He's here. Can you believe it? He's here, in your arms. My sincerest, happiest congratulations to you and Glenn, and to Chris, Reece, Luke and Sam. May this baby bind your already loving family together and bring you untold joy and cheekiness. I'm beyond happy for you.
Thursday, 10 July 2008
Alexander answers the phone, and eventually we establish it's Grandma. At 6pm, the absolute worst time of the day in this house. I'm not talking slightly inconvenient. I'm talking the fires of hell. I'm talking screaming 9 month old who doesn't know if he's hungry, tired, or just generally objectionable. A whining 5 year old, convinced he's going to starve to death, because, clearly, he's never been fed. Add 2 exhausted, frustrated parents who've not had a moment to so much as look in each others' directions since one of them got home from work, and 6pm is not a good time to call.
You're with me, right?
Anyhoo..the phone rings and Alexander chats for a moment with his Grandmother. We've taught him that after he's had his quick chat (Hello, it's Alexander here, what's your name? etc )he is to ask "Would you like to talk to my Mummy or my Daddy?". So he says this, and I"m pointing madly to Daddy. She wants to talk to "Daddy" I whisper, while he smirks and 'busies' himself with the baby.
Grandma evidently decides she wants to talk to me. Alexander smiles and answers "Oh, sorry. No. You can't talk to Mummy. She's just going like this" and proceeds to shake his head, just as madly as I have been.
Crap. Good thing she couldnt' see him. I race for the phone as Joel nearly falls down laughing.
Jerks. They'll be the death of me, these three men, I'm sure. :)
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
Wow. This is the longest I've gone between entries for a long time. Sorry about that (because, obviously, you're all just sitting there waiting to see what I have to say...;) ).
Have been tired. Boys (all three of them) have been really, really sick. Samuel won't let a moment go by without being able to see my eyes. Not just me. My eyes. I MUST be looking at him, at all times.
But. I'm in love. With all three of them. This is a cheat post, I'll come back in later tonight or tomorrow, there are things I want to talk about.
Here's my boys. The best things we've ever done.