Friday, 26 June 2009
The one where I'm feeling so happy, even I'm rolling my eyes!
It's about 10 o'clock and my family slumbers peacefully in their beds. Alexander, curled up with his Penelope, surrounded by the books he took to bed, snuggled under his quilt. His lamp is on and the radio is softly playing, soothing him as he sleeps.
Samuel, by beautiful insomniac hasn't moved from the postition we lay him in. He was so tired tonight. I imagine he'll be up again in an hour or two, but for now my heart aches when I look at his soft face and listen to his gentle breathing. It's quieter tonight than last night, perhaps this cold won't get worse.
My darling Joel, overcome with manflu, dead to the world, stretched out in our bed, his head resting on his hands, facing the spot I will quietly slip into soon. He's exhausted, another impossibly long week for him, and I hope he gets to sleep in in the morning.
And here I sit, listening to the rain on my roof and the tapping of my keys. I crave this kind of silence, and am forcing myself to stay awake to enjoy it.
So, to help me stay occupied, I figured it was time to finally come and chat to you, my friends, and fill you in on what's been happening.
The job is wonderful. Honestly. I love it. I'm working for a small firm that does copywriting, for small businesses, large firms, travel agencies, real estate agents, charities etc. The tasks are varied, travel articles, newsletters, business blogs, human resource manuals/reviews, business plans, web sites, ezines, advertising/marketing etc.
It's not the great American novel, and it's not journalism. But I admit, it's facinating. I still hold out hopes for studying creative writing and journalism. But I confess, the marketing is something that is interesting me more than I had imagined. And I'm writing. I'm researching and arranging words, drafting, redrafting. It's a wonderful feeling.
My boss is lovely. Easy to work with. Easy to be around. She has a cat I've fallen madly in love with, lol. Dalai is the most beautiful, calming cat in the world and I want to scoop him up and take him home. He is such amazing therapy and when I steal a few minutes to just sit with him and run my fingers through his fur, I feel utterly relaxed! I wish I could have one of my own. I'd forgotten how much I love cats. They're great therapy.
The job pays well. I make in 15 hours close to what I used to make in 40 in child care. Can't complain about that. I work from the office (at the moment one day a week in the office, until after the holidays when it will be 2) and 2 at home. I work Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, Samuel's day care days. Perfect. I work from 9.15 to 2.15. Leaving me still able to do the school run. Perfect.
So far everything about the job is just perfect.
I'm feeling pretty great, to be honest. I've had only one panic attack this week. It was a doozy, but it was at home. We had visitors. The only thing that was worse than going out, is having someone in the home. That was far worse, and on Sunday, my poor father got to see one.
ALso, more exciting. I've had just one headache in a week! One! Iwas getting migraines literally every day. Have been for the past 4 or 5 months. Every day. Last Friday (my first day of work) was the last one I had. I am certain that was simply the release of so much nervous tension, fear of starting thsi job, fear of Ingrid not liking me, fear of freezing up in someone else's home. The second I got in the car after my (wonderful) day, my head started thumping. By the time I got home I could barely see.
It was gone the next day, and it hasn't returned. I have been into the school 3 times this week. Without any jitters. I have been grocery shopping! I have visited both of my sisters in law. I have spoken on the phone to my MIL and my father.
Can you believe the difference a week has made?
Thank you for encouraging me to do this. I had made up my mind to give it a go. But your encouragement, your belief that I could do this, helped more than you know.
So, Shel. Am taking your advice. Holding on. Not letting go.
I feel peaceful, and happy and hopeful. I think about where I'll be a year from now, and I get this stupid grin on my face. Because I think I'm going to like where we are a year from now. I think I'm going to like me a year from now.
Sigh. It's ridiculous, isn't it? To be this happy only a week in? For this to have made this much of a differnce to something that has crippled me for close to 4 months. I am the epitome of pathetic.
Whatever works, lol.
Oh, by the way. Funny story.
On the first day, Ingrid and I were chatting. She asked me about my blog, and I just told her the basics. Then she said it. "What's the address?". Crap! I tried to put her off, but she grinned and wanted to see it. So I have her the address, and she right away opened it up and started reading.
She liked it, said lovely things. But.
This was the first post she read!
And Marg! I can't believe you delurked. YOu made me cry! Thank you. I miss you. Will try to catch you online (might PM you on EB?) next week. Your reward..a couple more pics of my boys.
I have no idea what that is on Sam's pants. I'm guessing water or yoghurt. In my defense, I wasn't there.