So here's the thing.

Sorry about last night. I was upset and am concerned about how we're going to manage.

The thing is, that my license expired in August. And I, in the state I was in, could not bring myself to go down to the Transport Department (or pick up the phone) to renew it. I remember getting the notification and stuffing it in the draw (in the same place I had been stuffing everything addressed to me, bills included) and simply not dealing.

Avoidance was one of the biggest symptoms of my illness in the past year. Bills I was hiding (for no logical, reason), phone calls I couldn't bring myself to make etc.

It is a pathetic excuse, to an outsider. All I can say is that I simply could not do it, and didnt' tell Joel.

I was pulled up yesterday (the officer thought I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I was, there was no problem). They discovered I was driving unlicensed. I am now not allowed to drive until I appear before a magistrate.

I'm the kind of person who has never been pulled over. Ever. Not even for an RBT. I've never done anything requiring me to appear before a court, speak to a police officer etc. I'm shattered.

It's my fault, I acknowledge that. I have noone to blame but myself and my screwed up brain. But now things are complicated. Getting the boys to school and daycare is now impossible because we live in a different suburb to the school and daycare, so I can't rely on anyone else.

And I was just literally in the last week or two, starting to venture out of the house. I even made it to the shopping centre on Monday, briefly to go to the bank. Something I would have been unable to do just a month ago. And now that I had made that progress, I am left unable to repeat it.

I screwed up. My excuse is not going to hold up to anyone. It sounds far too stupid to be believed, but it is the truth. I'm an idiot.