"Just living is not enough" said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
Hans Christian Andersen
Spring is coming, my friends, and I couldn't be happier to greet it. I love the way that the seasons play together, mingling for weeks at a time, before one takes over from the other.
We've had a lovely winter, beautiful cool, sunny days. But in the past weeks, I've noticed a change in the air. Winter mornings deliver crisp air, but seem to beckon the hues of spring, inviting it to light up our days with birds and flowers. Greys have given way to tiny yellow flowers and violet creepers.
I went on a school excursion with Alexander last week, and we went bushwalking. Every now and then, amongst the dead leaves and stark fallen branches, we'd happen upon a tiny purple or yellow flower, determined to bask in their little bit of the sun.
Everywhere I've driven the past week has seen me enchanted by orange trumpet creepers that seem to be all over Brisbane. Magenta bouganvillia and golden wattle announcing the coming of Spring and leave me with such a cliched spring in my step and smile on my face. The russet of Autumn has always soothed my soul, but something about the palette of Spring fills me with hope, optimism even confidence.
May and June were terrible for me, as you know. The darkness enveloped me and I wondered if I was ever, ever going to recover. But, just like the change of the seasons, little by little I seem to be emerging from the shadows, almost glowing again. I feel optimistic, calm and happy. I mean, actually happy. For so long now, even before the meltdown of this year, I've found it hard to find true joy in anything. My laughs were hollow, I'm not sure my smiles came anywhere near my eyes. Everything was tainted, at best I was numb.
Now, things are funny. I laugh a lot, I smile and feel my eyes crinkle, the way Joel loves. We are spending more time just snuggling on the sofa, without me getting agitated and needing to keep moving. I'm' down on the floor playing cars with Sammy, indulging in his newfound love of cuddles and kisses. Alexander and I are busy planning a party for him next month, and I'm swept up in his enthusiasm, wanting to make this a perfect day for my lovely boy.
I'm enjoying work, and coping far better with the stress of P&C. My house is a disaster, but we can't have it all, can we?
Winter is saying it's goodbye for the year and Spring is about to take centre stage.
If this isn't a metaphor for my life right now, I don't know what is.
"Come, gentle Spring! Ethereal Mildness! Come."
- James Thomson
