Wednesday, 20 January 2010
I'm feeling a bit flummoxed at the moment. I have things I want to talk about, but I come here every day to do it and it all gets a bit hazy. I'm having trouble articulating what's bothering me at the moment. I'm feeling very disconnected from everything around me. I'm in my head far too much, but it's so loud it's hard to make sense of any of it.
My dreams are filled with sadness and anger and hatred (directed at me) and I'm sleeping poorly because of it. I avoid sleep until I can't stay awake a moment longer then doze in fitful sessions, awaking with a sense of dread several times a night.
I think I'll sort myself out better when Alexander is back at school and we have something of a routine happening again. I need to reconnect with my psych team (it's been nearly 7 weeks) and adjust medications. I need quiet time to sort out the mess of thoughts running around my head, faster and louder than usual.
Bear with me. I'm still functioning, but barely. My attention span is down to almost nothing, and this is the longest I've focused on one task in weeks.
I hope you're all ok. I haven't been able to really do any reading, so I apologise for not keeping in touch through your blogs. I'm hoping to get some time over the weekend (Joel is taking Alexander camping).