I want off.
There's nothing but black. It's been building, this past week, but today I am filled with it. Filled with hate and defeat, my head overwhelmed with a desperate need to leave.
I want to run away. I want to leave everything and everyone and just be alone. I dont' want to talk. I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't want the sound of the television. Music makes me want to scream. There is a happy, loud party happening right now next door and I shake with rage as I want to scream at them to shut the #@#% up.
I am hateful and and every polite word is forced, utterly fake. My mind is filled with filth and cruelty, things I want to say. Things I'd never dream of saying, things that can't be taken back. Today it is taking everything I have not to hurl them at anyone, at everyone.
I want to get drunk and run away, be reckless and not worry about anything but getting out of here. I want to take a box of Xanax and sleep until I'm me again.
You all think I'm nice, or strong, that I'm worth something. You're all so f@#$ing wrong. I'm not. Not today.