It's the weekend!

And I'm hopeful that this one will be much better than the last three.  The last 3 weekends have been filled with tension and tears.  I've picked at Joel, feeling constantly resentful and angry, and he has been terse and cold, tired of the drama, I assume.  I've struggled so much these past couple of months, the anxiety peaking and exhaustion (from the 2-3 hours of sleep each night) turning me into someone I don't like.

I went back on this drug last week.  My sleep issues were becoming untenable, I'd lost all ability to function normally, such was the exhaustion.  Lack of sleep exacerbates my anxiety and I was scratching again.  I was having horrific nightmares every single time I went to sleep, and was waking up terrified several times a night.  Everything was going downhill fast.  Things were bad enough to be worth (I think) the side effects of the drug. 


I'm on a smaller dose and while the side effects kicked in pretty quickly, I don't think they are as bad as they were last time.  But they've certainly levelled me out a bit.  I'm not feeling quite so antagonistic (I've been feeling unreasonably angry at a couple of people, and I could feel myself pushing them away) and while the fatigue/dizziness/increased appetite/effect on my blood sugars have already made themselves evident, I'm determined to try this.  We can't keep going on with me in the state I've been in over the past 2 months.

So, here I sit, determined to have a peaceful, beautiful weekend with my family.

For us, today started with coffee and croissants.

We're about to head to the library with the boys, one of our favourite Saturday morning routines.

This afternoon, we'll head over to our favourite park, where we'll sit and look at the clouds, kick a ball around and swing our boys til our arms ache.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to fit in a trip to the beach, maybe some fish and chips at the park we love to go to.

Alexander and I are going to bake some choc chip muffins.

I plan to finish my book, and do some more blogging.  I'm starting to feel the urge to write again, it's been gone for months. I have also decided I need to get back into my exercise routine.  Waiting for my hip to feel better has robbed me of 3 months, and the momentum I had.  It's not getting better.  Time to get on with it.

I want some romance with my beautiful husband, just some time to reconnect and be peaceful.  I want to take the camera out and get some photos of us all again, I've been terribly negligent with that. It was one of my goals this year, to take more photos, capture more of our family time on film (well, ok. Digital, but you get the point, yes?).

Tomorrow night there is a family dinner with Joel's family.  I've not decided whether or not I'm going.  It will be the first time I can remember bailing out, but I'm just not sure I'm ready to deal with the baggage that comes from some of the people that will be there.  I guess we'll play it by ear, and I'll decide at the last moment.  Certainly I don't think it will make a difference to anyone else's night.

What are you all up to this weekend?