Today, my heart is heavy. I have so much weighing me down right now - but nothing so much as the fact that sweet, lovable, adorable Lori has to get up, dress her children and take them to do the unthinkable. Today, Lori has to bury the love of her life, the father of her children.
Today is Tony's funeral. How messed up is that? Just 9 days ago, Tony was a fit, healthy father and husband. Today, those who love him have to say goodbye.
I don't know how one does this. In the last 6 weeks, 4 people incredibly dear to me have lost their lives. Gone from my world, and the worlds of everyone who loved them. And in each case, sitting quietly, weeping in my home, or surrounded by hundreds of others - my eyes always rest on the person who has lost the most. The husband, or wife.
And I look at my Joel and just don't know how I could do it. I dont' know that I could do what Lori is doing. I'm guessing a week ago, an hour ago, Lori didn't think she could do it either. And now she has to. There's no choice. He's been ripped from her arms, and she has to be braver than any woman should have to be.
And what can we do? We can tell her over and over and over again how sorry we are. It doesn't bring him back to her though. We can tell her over and over and over again that we are praying for her, wishing her strength, sending our love. I'm sure, somewhere, it gives her strength. I wish, oh how I wish, we could give her back what she really needs. His strong arms around her once more.
So, this is all I have. Lori - I'm sorry. Sorrier than you can possibly imagine. You have not left my thoughts since that first desperate post last Thursday night. I'm sorry Tony was hurting so much. I'm sorry you're hurting so much now. I hope you are surrounded by people who love you and Bump and Chop. I hope they give you the help you need, the space you need, whatever you need.
I hope we, your community can give you the same, more, anything. You're in all of our hearts today. Every one of us is with you in spirit today, arms wrapped around you as you say this farewell.
This is part of the Blog Hop for Lori - hosted by her friend Kristin over at Wanderlust. If you can, if your thoughts are with Lori today, blog about it, and join this. It will be here for Lori when she needs it.