Why am I freaking out again?

My rheumatology appointment got bumped.  Joel did a job for who it turns out is one of my rheumatologist's best friends. She had rheumatology books out and they got to talking and he told her about me and she said "Oh, she should go see Dr B - she's one of the best" (She is.  She's on the board of the something-or-other that's apparently a big deal {why can't I remember this stuff right now} and she lectures a lot and she is on the board of the Therapeutic Drugs Admistration, I'm told.)  Anyhoo...basically Joel told her we'd made the appt in Dec and had a few weeks to go.  She (after having heard Joel talk about the story, particularly once the eyes got involved) said "No, let me email her) and a day later I got a phone call (after the receptionist assuring me there was no possible way for an earlier appt, something I was ok with, believe it or not) saying "we can see you tomorrow. She'll work through lunch".


So it's today (as is my 3rd opthamology appt, where they check to see how well the pred is doing and if the fluid has reduced and whether it needs draining) and for some reason my mind is BLANK.  I can't get it all straight in my head.

And I need it to be.  I need to be calm and unemotional, but still be able to tell her just how bad this has been and is continuing to get.  Enough truth to make her take me seriously without simply writing me a psych referral and wondering why she wasted her time with me.

I feel sick to my stomach.  I can't stop moving and can't focus on one thing (I have been writing this for an hour. I've no idea what it says) and I really wanted to take people's advice and write it all down for her but I can't think at all.

Not ready for this at all.