Do you think this is too much?

Edited: Ok, so I was just starting this blog post when I noticed that Mamamia had beaten me to the punch. It's an interesting article, so head on over there for a look, and weigh in there as well.


I'm asking about this because I'm genuinely surprised that the vast majority of respondants (I'm told on Sunrise {am I a cow if I say that says it all....} and on other sites) seem to be on the side of the parent here.  Saying there should be more of this kind of parenting.

Plenty of people this morning are talking about this story out of Townsville about a mother who chose a somewhat out-of-the-box punishment for her son, who was caught stealing. Now, a caveat of sorts, before I put my judgemental hat on.  I know only what is in the story. And it's from news.com.au  So, you know. Grains of salt come to mind. 

Anyhoo, now that that's out of the way.  The story is this.  Straight from http://www.news.com.au/

A MOTHER made her child sit in public with a sign pinned to his shirt that said: "Do not trust me. I will steal from you as I am a thief."


The boy, thought to be aged about 10, was also wearing Shrek ears and writing lines in what appeared to a form of public punishment, according to dozens of witnesses who contacted the Townsville Bulletin.


The boy spent almost an hour on Sunday near a popular waterpark in Townsville while his family ate lunch nearby, The Daily Telegraph reported.


Diane Mayers was so "horrified" when she saw the boy she contacted Child Safety Services to intervene.


Ms Mayers, who worked with the department in the past, said any long-term effects of public humiliation would have been much worse than physical abuse.
"The boy just kept his head down and was staring at the ground," she said. "The parents had gone to all the trouble of printing two copies of the sign - one for the back and one for the front - and laminating them. A lot of work had gone in to it.


"A lot of people walked past and were laughing at him, including boys who would have been his age.
"At one point the boy had taken off the Shrek ears. My daughter walked past and heard the mother say, 'Put them back on or I'll smack your head in'."

Now, I don't think I've ever made a secret of the fact that we are very much proponents of the school of gentle parenting. I have one (possibly 2) sensitive child with autism and his emotional wellbeing is of paramount importance to me.  Add to that that I have always, always been incredibly sensitive (overly so, I'm told my my shrink) to the feelings of others, and you can guess I'm going to have some issues with this.

It is probably the part of my parenting of which I am most proud (and I do understand that not everyone agrees, or places the same priorites, or feels the same way. This is all me, and I speak for noone else. Different parents value different things). I'm constantly mindful of the way I speak to the boys, the way my words or actions will make them feel about themselves, about the world, about our relationship. 

I had a wonderful relationship with my parents, but I am still scarred by throw-away comments made (particularly by my mother) while I was growing up that have left me with some fairly deep-rooted issues. Comments I'm sure were flippant and light hearted to her, but which cut me to the quick and literally changed me and my view of myself and the world I was in.

So, as you can imagine, I am struggling somewhat with the punishment doled out by this mother.  I'm uncomfortable with the level of humiliation that this child would have endured. I'm uncomfortable with the taunting he will probably receive for a long time to come from school 'friends'. (Kids can be so horrible).

For the life of me, I can't see how Shrek Ears come into play? A sign, one thing. Writing lines, another (Joel has had Alexander write lines before). But a costume? Why not put a dunce's hat on him and be done?



image source

What on earth was the reasoning behind that? And the comment that she would 'smack his head in' if he removed them? I'll admit. Hearing any parent speak to their child harshly is a particular hate of Joel and I. It's hurtful and so frustrating to see and hear, and sometimes takes a lot for us not to say something. (I did, in fact yesterday, when a mother told her 5-6 year old to "Shut the F up or she'd smack him one"). And again, we're getting this from second-third-fourth hand sources here, so who knows how accurate that part of the story is.

What do you think? Obviously, a child who steals needs to be taught that a)it is unacceptable, under any circumstances and that b) there WILL be consequences. And I believe those consequenses should be harsh. If it were my child (Alexander, I mean. Sammy is still a little young {or delayed} to grasp the concept) then he would be made to do the following.

Return said item. Apologise in person. Pay for said item (without being allowed to keep it) or do the equivelant in work/chores for the person he stole it from.  He would lose something of his that is valuable to him. He would almost certainly find himself losing priveleges or grounded.

These seem, to me, to be relevant punishments. Directly related to the crime, so to speak. And while there is embarrassment (having to apologise in person and admit what he'd one), the humiliation is limited to the person he wronged. It would not be a public shaming. It would hopefully teach him a lesson without leaving him traumatised by standing for an hour in one of the busiest parts of town (I know Townsville. I know that water park, assuming it's The Strand; the only place I can think of that fits the description. It is incredibly popular, there would have been people everywhere).

What do you think? Do you think I'm too worried about the child's feelings? (It's ok if you do, you can tell me.  It won't be the first time I've heard it ;D ). Do you think your opinion would be swayed by whether this was the child's first offense of if he was a serial 'offender'?  Do you think we need to be harder on kids? If this were your child, what punishment would you have chosen?

I keep hearing (and reading in the Mamamia article comments) that 'kids these days' have it too easy. Have no sense of accountability. And maybe that's true. Certainly this new generation has less of a 'fear' (for want of a better word) or respect for authority than my generation, who probably had less than the generation before me. And certainly phyiscal punishment (which we got, as children, and I don't feel scarred by) is at the very least, frowned upon, if not outright called abuse. (Do you think smacking is abuse? Were you smacked as a child? If you were, do you feel that it was damaging? Do you or have you smacked your child? What are your thoughts on smacking {note, I'm not talking about beating or using implements here, which I very definitely think are abuse. I'm talking a quick smack on the hand/bum etc})

Do you think that tough love is the way to go?

Edited again: I've read somewhere (I'm sorry, I can't remember where) that as more of the story is revealed, these parents have been dealing with this child's stealing for upwards of 3 years, and so this was their 'last resort'. I'm not sure it changes my opinion (on whether I would do it), but I do think it only fair that this fact be mentioned, as it certainly makes you more sympathetic toward the family's problem.