Sorry, it's been a few days since I promised to come back and update. I have had a migraine since Wednesday night and I can't shake it.
I was thinking long and hard about whether or not it was time to shut down this blog. Too much of my life, sadly at the moment, is about my health, or lack thereof. Too much woe-is-me, sadness and pain. And I'm not sure that everyone (or anyone) wants to read that. And I'm embarrassed, dumping that on everyone at the moment.
There are other sides to me, but it's hard at the moment to see past it. When I write about other things, I feel fake, as though I'm pretending the big elephant in the room isn't
So. Here's what I'm thinking. I have another blog. I used it a couple of years ago, before I got this sick, to talk about my weight loss and trying to get healthy again. As that is what I am focusing on right now, I'm thinking of taking my health related musings over there.
It's a private blog, invitation only. If this is something you're interested in reading, or keeping up with, send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will shoot you an invitation. If you're related to me, don't bother. Sorry. Too personal. Too judgemental.
Over at the other blog Taking Back Control, I will be able to fill you in on The Big Plan™ and my journey towards good health. It has sat untouched for a couple of years, unfortunately. But I think it might be good to have a safe place to get back into it.
Let me know if you're interested. And no offence taken if you're not. I completely understand that it gets more than a little wearisome.
But for me, I know I want to write again. I want to talk about controversy and things that are meaningful. I want to be free to post music and pictures, tell you about the books I'm reading and the poetry I'm discovering. I want this to be my happy place again, honest still, but about more than pain and hurt.
There will still be pain and hurt. No matter how healthy I become, I won't necessarily find myself without Bipolar, or anxiety, or maybe even (but please, please, please) agoraphobia. But I'll try to at least give the physical stuff it's own safe place. And turn this one back into my creative outlet. Beautiful and meaningful and personal again.
It's slightly embarrassing to restart the other blog. I was about to actually close it, delete it when it occurred to me that I really ought to use it again. So you'll see when you get there (I don't know if I will get much time to go there this weekend) that the last post was 2 years ago. I admit it. I got slack and I was wrong about the things I said in there. But I don't care. I have decided not to let shame and fear of failure stop me from trying again.