How much of yourself do you give on your blog?

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I guess many in the Australian Blogosphere are aware of the kerfuffle happening over at Lovely Living, with the owner cutting loose the blogger who wrote Super Organiser Mum.

Now I'll be up front. First of all, I don't know either Jen or Jade personally. I have never followed either of their blogs. I'd seen Jade's blog before it went to Lovely Living, but not after. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just not that big on household blogs usually.  If I want that kind of thing, I go to my beautiful friend Katrina from The Organised Housewife.

So I wasn't even aware of the rumblings that were happening, apparently over Jade's blog. She's apparently stopped posting a while ago, and lots of accusations were flying around about a 'double life'. Finally, Jen decided she couldn't take the angst anymore and cut her loose. Claiming she was immoral and that she felt 'betrayed' by her (after having said she had no intention of saying a single word about the accusations, she sure made sure to get her point across so noone was left in any doubt about what they were).

She's deleted all previous posts she made about the matter, deleted any comments from people who disagree with her and is, by all accounts terribly upset.  I can sympathise. I've been there. I've been under attack on my own blog, and I do remember how that felt.

I don't know who's right here. I don't know if the accusations about Jade are true. Certainly if they are, they're serious and shocking. Definitely reputation shattering. If they're not, then I feel awfully sorry for her, because I don't think she'll get her blog back after something like that. And by all accounts, it was an excellent blog.

Too excellent, it would appear. Lots of people hating her because she was 'too perfect'. People rubbing their hands with glee at her downfall. Tall poppy syndrome at it's worst. Schadenfreude, more likely.

SO, as I said. I've no idea if she did the things they say she did. I don't know if Jen is really as upset as she says she is, or if she's enjoying the spotlight. I know that controversy can be a little bit of fun to us, seems everyone loves a good lynching.

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What I do know? Is that I don't care. If I were to follow someone's blog, it would be simply for whatever hook that blog has. I follow Jenn and Eden and Lori for the writing. I have a couple of private blogs that I follow for the same reason. Their words, they call to me. I follow Mrs Woog, Glowy and others for the funny. I follow Katrina for the organisation. I follow Pink Patent Pary Janes for the beautiful pictures and the fact that L is always able to cheer me up (I don't know that she uses her name that much online, so I'm just saying "L"). I enjoy Tork's blog because I love to see a male perspective. In fact, almost all of the blogs I follow have a hook. Something I come to them for.

But having said that, I'm not stupid. I recognise that these are real people. Real people with real, complicated, sometimes messy lives. Just like the rest of us.

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That doesn't mean that I expect them to share every detail of it with me. If they want to share it, then fine. I'm all ears. The better I can get to know a blogger, the more connected I'm going to be with their blog. But should they choose not to share things, then who the hell am I to demand otherwise? Especially if their blog isn't so much a 'personal' blog (like mine, or Eden's or any of the other 50 I follow for that reason.

Every single one of us gets to decide how much we're prepared to share, and how often we're prepared to share it. There is no rule. Just because I'll talk about most things on my blog doesn't mean that everyone else has to. Just because my favourite blogger keeps her own blog private, available to only a small number doesn't mean that that's the right answer for everyone.  We all get to decide where our boundaries are. For our own blogs. NOT for someone else's.

For the life of me, I can't understand the people claiming to feel 'let down', 'betrayed', or 'embarrassed' because they followed Super Organiser Mum. WTF? It was a blog about keeping your home organised. It wasn't a blog about how to be the best wife you can be. The best financial whizz you can be. The best anything....except organiser. And if you enjoyed those posts, then what the hell right do you have to comment on the rest?

How is it fair that just because we may see a blogger a certain way, anything that falls short of that becomes somehow scandalous? Do you think Dooce tells us everything going on in her life? What about the Pioneer Woman?

When a high profile blogger recently admitted that her marriage had hit a snag, I didn't see a single person berating her for not telling us earlier. And shame on them if they did. I know a number of people who blog about their weight loss.  I haven't heard back any reports from the Bloggers Conference about who ate what and what a pig they were. Soooo fake..not at all as controlled as I thought she'd be.....

Madam Bipolar blogs about what it's like to live with Bipolar Disorder. What if you'd seen her on a good day? Having (what seems like)no trouble socialising.  Does that make her a lying b!tch who doesn't even have it?  It doesn't. It just means there is more to her than just this one thing. Like there is for every single one of us.

I talk on my blog fairly openly. I don't share everything though. Should I be? I talk about how much I adore Joel fairly often. Does that mean I have to report to you every single time we have sex? Or every single time we have an argument? Do I have to tell you that he leaves his clothes on the floor on his side of the bed, or that he doesn't wash up the knives and forks, he just leaves them in the sink?  And if I do tell you that, do I have to tell you that I take forever to sort out my washing, it's a job I hate. Do I have to tell you how many times I wash my hair, how many times I put out? How many times I've annoyed Joel because the house is a mess and I've been reading all day?

I blog about the boys. Do I have to tell you every single medical concern I have about Alexander? What about the really private ones? Do I need to provide pictures? Do I have to tell you that my adorable, funny, CUTE Sammy got over excited last night and actually bit his brother? For the first time since he was a year old? Do you want to know about his bowel habits? (God, not even I want to think about that).

I blog about my health. Do I need to give you a blow-by-blow of everything I eat? Every kg I lose or put on?  Is it remotely any of your business? Will me not telling you these things, in my very personal blog, mean that I'm a fraud?

If they do? Screw you. Go get your own blog. Blog your own life, in every gory detail and then come back and we'll talk.

In the meantime, call off the witch hunt. What a blogger chooses to share (or not share) is their own business. Noone else has the right to discuss it.


EDITED, after a few commenters corrected me (thank you for that). Apparently Jade DID choose to speak about her break up on her blog - blaming her husband and playing the victim. If that's the case, then I can see how others would be bothered by it. I still stand by my belief that readers have not got a right to tell us what we should choose to share. But if we DO choose to share, and we lie...that is another story.


BUT. The LL example is just ONE of a number I've seen recently.  I've seen other bloggers get lambasted after something about their life is exposed and readers had not seen it coming.