Break

I'm not going to be blogging for a little while. It sounds ridiculous to say I'm not well enough but....there it is. I have severe bursitis in both shoulders. The Dr thinks I have severe carpal tunnel in my right wrist/hand (and mild in my right), though I think that it is coming from an impinged nerve in my neck or shoulder (will get those results back next week).  The bottom line is that I can't feel my hand or fingers properly (numbness, burning and pins and needles) and my arthritis is such that for about 1/2 of the day, I can't move my fingers properly.

Every day I think about blogging and at the moment, feel nothing but dread. I feel stressed about the list of blogs I've started in the past 2 months, but haven't been able to finish. Now they're just old news and it seems silly to finish them, let alone post them. Then I stress about all of the blogs I'm not commenting on (I am reading).

So I'm giving myself permission to just let this go. I dont' want to shut down the blog. Truth is, I love my blog. Especially the first 2-3 years of it. I am not ready to give that away. But for the moment, it's not worth making my hands worse.

I am hoping to be back - hoping that in the next couple of months we can get on top of either the arthritis or the nerve pain (surely not both????) and I can type again. I've not done any copywriting for nearly 6 months, for the same reason.

It sounds so ridiculous to say I can't type. I can, just not without pain and it just doesn't feel worth that at the moment. I'm content reading my books (am up to 49/52 - Woot!) and catching up on your blogs.  And trying to post on Facebook to stay in touch.

As I said. This isn't a good bye. I hope to come back and blog again. There is a lot to blog about - Sam's about 1 appointment away from his diagnosis and I have a lot to say about that.  I'm just going to lay low for now.

Nothing dramatic. No 'woe is me' or 'I hate blogging because...". I'm not fishing, this isn't me waiting for "Oh, but you can't stop". :-D   Just a whole lot of sore. <3See you on the other side (erm...and on your blogs and facebook).

Sending our hopes and love

At this minute, my friend Trish is being wheeled into surgery, to have both of her breasts removed. She was diagnosed with an early stage of cancer just a week ago, and because she is genetically predisposed, the Doctors and she have decided that for her piece of mind, they are removing both breasts now, before it has a chance to travel.

It's terrifying for her, just 2 years after her husband's own cancer diagnosis. I can't imagine. But I know that there are countless friends online and off, thinking and praying and hoping for her speedy recovery.

Rest, Trish. Heal. You're going to be fine. You trust your Doctor, your decision and your strength and the support of your friends and family will help you.

For everyone else...check your breasts. Please. Let's all hope that if we ever faced breast cancer, we could be so lucky as to catch it this early.

Afraid

I haven't been able to blog. My hands and arms aren't working. Or when they are, there is too much pain for blogging to be on my radar.

But right now, I am sad and I am afraid and I need to be here, among others of you who know these people and care too.

My friend Katrina lost her mother on Monday. It was sudden, she was ill just a couple of days. I'm heartbroken for her. No time for last conversations. No time for "I love you"s or "I'm sorry" or "Thank You"s. Just fear and then loss, final, unending loss. And she's there and I'm here and there's not a thing I can do to guide her through this.  Because it doesn't matter that you've done it yourself. It doesn't matter that you've been making your way through the minefield of loss for nearly a decade. I can mark the way a little. But she still has to travel it. There aren't any shortcuts. And I know what's coming for her, soon - when the rest of the world goes back to living.

My friend T has just found out she has breast cancer. Her doctors are moving extremely quickly on this. Their urgency, while good to see - is frightening. She is young. Her husband has beaten cancer. They have young children. This isn't fair.

I know. No one ever said it had to be fair. I don't care. She's my friend and I love her and I'm wishing like hell I could take away her fear. Again, no matter how much I want to help, I am held back by the thousands of miles between us.

Another friend is on the run from her abusive, dangerous, furious ex-husband. A man filled with hate and fury at being exposed to his community for what he is. She has been safely ensconced far away - not even her family knowing where to find her. And yet now, it seems like he has. How is this possible? How can the police be so impotent? So inept? How can they risk this beautiful woman protecting her precious children? How can they let her fight by herself?

This is the worst thing about the internet, I think. Right now I'm crazed with the fact that I can love these women, feel genuine, real friendship for them. But miles and miles and sometimes oceans lie between us, leaving my offerings of help little more than useless. Lost in the ether, floating by - no use to her in any way.

No use to any of them.  I don't believe in fate. I don't believe that God is dictating what is happening to anybody. But oh, how I wish the universe would just back off and leave these women (and so many others) alone. Keep them safe.

My friends, I love you, all three. I wish I could offer you more than empty words.

My very own Sorry Day.

So here's the thing. I've been sitting on that last post for the past day or so. And I've been feeling odd. This hasn't really happened before. I'm feeling a definite sense of buyer's blogger's remorse. This is new. I'm generally all about saying what I think, pretty much when I think it. I stand by everything I've ever said on this blog, despite some if it causing enormous problems.

But this post. I don't know, it's different. I still feel the way I felt. But for the first time ever, I regret writing it. Because I don't think I effectively made my point. I think my voice was lost in the mess of media beat-up and other bloggers and the twittersphere. Talk of a mass dissent. Angry bloggers (apparently). I'm told nasty emails are sailing back and forth in the ether.

And however unwittingly, I'm guessing mine has played a role in that. Played a role in ruining something for some bloggers I care about. See, here's the thing. And I don't know if I made this clear. I Adore Eden and Mrs Woog. ADORE. I don't know Beth and Sarah as much but I'm really enjoying their blogs. I don't know Nikki at all, but that's not her, I just don't follow fashion blogs. (Having exactly the wrong body type to read a fashion blog).

But my point is that I care about them. Genuinely. Not just in an "I want them to like me" way. But in the "I think Mrs W and Eden (and therefore probably the other bloggers) are struggling a bit under all of this". In a "Have their feelings been hurt, or are they feeling let down right now by what must seem a lack of support from other bloggers?".

And even if I don't think that necessarily that's true (that they are not supported by the vast majority), certainly the media of late has managed to make it look that way. A lot of words have been twisted and moulded to fit the angle of whichever 'writer' is banging out today's report.

And no matter original intent, I imagine that that must suck. Because I lost sight of something. The 5 bloggers had something good happen to them. They got signed to an agency. Doesn't matter which. Doesn't matter the name (was it worth all of this?). What matters is that they got signed. And for a moment there, that must have felt so freaking wonderful.

And then it probably didn't. Because people (myself included) got caught up in the minutae. Details that probably didn't matter as much as the bigger picture. Details like the name of said agency, or the methods of it's director. Does any of that matter as much as a good thing happening to people who are our friends?

I've only spoken (and then, only briefly) to Eden and Mrs Woog. And while they remain in mostly good humour and pretty philosophical about it all, one gets the unmissable feeling of the shine having been forcibly removed. A feeling that they feel let down. That they perhaps don't feel as free right now to just enjoy it, relax and let it happen the way they had planned.

And for my part of that, I'm sorry. I've blogged, and I've commented on two other posts. And again, while my point was never about the bloggers, it doesn't really matter anymore, does it? It doesn't matter anymore who was making what point. Because it's all been blended and lost in the hype.

Eden, Mrs Woog. You know I'm a long time fan.  Honest-to-goodness I love your writing fan. And if my voice is one of those that has left you feeling attacked or disappointed or sad. I'm sorry. Unreservedly.

(And for those who will do doubt roll your eyes and say why didn't you just email them. I did. I have spoken to them. They do know I'm feeling bad about the way this has played out. But I still feel it's time to say it 'out loud').

Le Sigh

Look, I wasn't going to blog about this. Everyone over the last two weeks has had something to say about blogging, the feeling in the Australian blogosphere at the moment. And truth be told, I was embarrassed. Seriously embarrassed. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks every time someone referred to the 'SPLIT™' (practically screamed with a most aghast look upon one's face) in the Blogosphere.

Gasp! The Mummy bloggers are fighting! It's like when you get called to the principal's office at school. As one, the rest of the class...."ooooohhhhh". And it doesn't matter that you know you've been called up because it's time to take your puffer. Everyone's determined to read something scandalous into it.

Who am I to get in the way of a good story? Have at it. We're fighting. There's hair pulling and scratching and pillow fights and....oh, wait. That's a whole other stereotype.

And to be honest, I'm more than a little ticked off. It's such crap. Seriously. Obviously I don't speak for other bloggers. But I was there the night of the big 'twitter war' (not nearly as good as the Rift Wars). It wasn't an attack so much as it was a discussion. I'll own, some bloggers were a little incredulous about the launch of "The Remarkables".

But it had nothing to do with anyone thinking those bloggers were selling out. And anyone who says otherwise is a liar and should shut the hell up. There are few people in the blogging world who are vehemently opposed to monetising blogs. There are plenty of people who don't do it. They have their reasons.

I don't do it. But not because of integrity. How on earth is accepting money for your writing a mark against your integrity? How is it any different to writing for a magazine, a newspaper, writing a book (and allowing someone to edit it)? It's not. It's all writing.

I don't monetise at this point because I hate sponsored posts. It's that simple. They bore me to tears. They sound like sponsored posts. They read like sponsored posts. And while I've not objection to anyone doing them, it's not why I visit the blog. I don't read certain bloggers because brands love them. I don't read certain blogs because they have marketing managers.

(Warning. Love fest coming. I love these people. And a whole lot more).

I read them because I am blown away by their writing (Averil*, Jenn, Eden, Kirrily, Kristin,Veronica,Lori, Tiffany). There, I said it. I don't shy away from naming names, lol. These are, in my opinion the best written blogs in Australia right now. FOR ME. For my style, my preference. I adore them. There are others I read daily, because I feel a personal connection to the blogger ( eg - Mrs Woog, Tina Grey, Naomi @ Seven Cherubs, Katrina @The Organised Housewife, Maxabella, Suger Coat It, Tork, Trae @ Where's my Glow?....and literally hundreds more). These are bloggers, men and women who I liked...on 'site'. The first time I read them, I knew I'd love their blogs.

Some of them monetise. Some of them don't. For the life of me, at this moment - I couldn't tell you for sure which ones were which. Because I'm not really paying a whole lot of attention.

But this morning, yet another ridiculous newspaper article (read: poorly researched and written by people who don't like 'new media' and would prefer we all just went away so they could keep their jobs).

Talent agency stirs up mummy blogosphere

Ooooooooohhhh.

...Critics have raised the ethical issue of paid blogging, sponsored posts and the elitist idea of choosing just five top bloggers and elevating them to superhero status by branding them "The Remarkables".
"I just want to know who the F thought "the Remarkables" was a good name?" wrote one angry commenter. "The assumption that bloggers don't know how to ethically engage with brands is quite inflammatory to those of us that do it," wrote another.
Zoey Martin of Good Googs blog was supportive of the group but questioned the approach of the Remarkables, in particular the suggestion that being part of an agency makes bloggers more ethical.

Oh. Oops. Sorry, I've just taken a snippet out of what the article says (there is a link though). I'm sure they'd never stoop to such a thing. 

First of all, again. I don't think that this is about monetising. I personally don't have a problem with a blog agency. I think it's a great idea, especially for the big bloggers who get overwhelmed by the sheer number of requests they get. And I think that (though I only follow 4 of the 5) the bloggers they chose to be a part of the group were the logical choices to start with.

I don't know where this other issue comes from - as though accepting payment for blogging might not be ethical. Nobody should have any issue with a person making a living, or extra income to help the family. Small, large...whatever they are able. I don't think blogging is different. Time and effort go into blog posts. Often research and a lot of rewriting goes into blog posts. Why should bloggers not be paid for that?

I did take issue with the chosen name. I'm pretty sure that the quote "I want to know who the F thought "The Remarkables" was a good name?" was me. I can't find it on my twitter, but I remember writing it. It wasn't an angry commenter. Just me. Asking a question. It was more bemused than angry. But hell, apparently the writer's vocabulary doesn't stretch to 'bemused'.  But not because Eden and Sarah and Beth and Mrs Woog (and the other blogger, Nikki, I'm sure) aren't remarkable. In fact, I believe they are. I love their dedication and approach to blogging. I love their honesty and their humour and the heart they're prepared to share). I just don't think that they're the only ones.

And I guess there's the rub. By elevating 5 people and saying "Of all Australian bloggers, these 5 are 'The Remarkables' ", are you therefore implying that the rest are not? I think this is the issue others have. At least, it was the issue I had. And again, not on my own behalf. As I mentioned, I'm not advertising, at this point I have no immediate plans to do so. I at present am far too busy with my nose in books to give my blog the attention it would need to even think about that kind of thing. I'm a tiny, tiny fish in a huge ocean. I'm just saying that before the usual "You're just upset because you weren't picked". Believe me, I've heard it. But the thing is, almost noone who has issue with the naming of the group, or the way it was launched has a problem because they weren't chosen. Mostly, it had to do with the perception of a divide. The haves and the have nots.

And really, what most of us want? Is to just get on with it. To stop hearing old media tear us apart for fun because they are feeling a little threatened by the reach of new media. To stop having people question ethics or morals. To stop suggesting we'd be better served looking after our children (because clearly none of us could possibly have children in school, day care, sleeping or could possibly be writing at night or first thing in the morning - when in fact, most of us write) than writing about them.

While I'm at it - I'd also love it if people recognised that not that many "Mummy Bloggers" actually write all that much about their children. But that should we choose to, that is our business, and not anyone else's.  That in fact, we have minds and skills and talents and may want to write about any manner of things. It's ok. We're not chasing your jobs. We're not saying you shouldn't be able to write for your newspapers or work for the people you work for. We're simply saying we have opinions too. And we're more than ready to share them.



*Sorry. She's on hiatus. And it's killing me, but her muse has spoken and she's busy writing away...actually brave enough to work on a book. I cannot wait to read it.

Wait, What?

When you do this:

                                                                         Source: vergilnutrainfo.blogspot.com via Melissa on Pinterest

(The caption under this is "How to lose unwanted belly fat")

You are perpetuating this:

Just as surely as if we'd done this:

I love Pinterest, I do. As evidenced by the sheer number of pins I have. And I'm not saying that there aren't fabulous weight loss and fitness tips on there. Inspirational pictures, encouraging and motivating. But when I saw that one last night, with the "How to lose unwanted body fat" under it...I think I saw red. I just wanted to call Bullsh!t.

When Joel and I looked at that woman, minus the huge red circle around her stomach, neither of us would have thought she had excess fat. In fact, I'd be willing to bet she's slightly underweight, or has a very low BMI.

And I of all people know that she's far healthier than I. I am (being brave) currently about 40-45kgs more than I ought to be. I have a lot to lose to be healthy. But I'm also being realistic. Were I to listen to weight loss companies, or follow strictly the BMI scale, I'd be looking to lose closer to 50 or even 55kgs. I don't want to. I will be happy if I lose 40. It's an amount that I believe would look good on me, curves and all.

And I don't have daughters. But I remember being one. I remember 'light-hearted', throw-away lines when I was 12, that made me believe I was enormous. I remember what it did to me, how crushed I was. How humiliated I was at not having realised I was so fat. So hideous. Told that I'd put on a couple of kilos in our cross-country move (moving from my haven to the middle of the dessert and 40degrees celcius...sapping my energy and removing my love of running for years)...but told in a way that led me to believe that it was far worse than it was. I look back and I'm stunned. At 13 I was a size 8-10. I had a tiny waist, big boobs and curvy hips/backside.  But "Thunder thighs" and "Blubber Butt" thrown carelessly my way by people who loved me (my mother and an uncle) left me crushed. Covering my whole body, not willing to be seen with any flesh showing. I was afraid to exercise in public (so therefore, given where we were..did not exercise at all) and hid my hurt in food. It's an old story, one tens of thousands of women could tell. We look back and cry at how perfect we were...how beautiful and slim we really were. And how enormous we were made to feel.

I look back at that extra couple of kilos of puppy fat on my pubescent frame and I'm angry. Angry that anyone let me believe it was something to be ashamed of. That they did not recognise the damage they'd done, damage that lasts still today, damage that helped me add 50+ more kgs.

But I'm angrier, and sadder still that we keep on doing it. That now, girls (and women) are bombarded by this even more than I was. At 13, I didn't have the internet. I had limited television so I was mostly relying on other women, other teenagers and women's magazines. But now? Now we're drowning in it. The digital age, as wonderful as it can be, can do so much damage. Internet, reality television, facebook, tumblr, magazines, celebrity websites, pro-anorexia websites, all of it...aimed at telling us what we ought to look like. When the 'ideal' isn't even a healthy, realistic weight for anyone. If we, as grown women are falling for it, what hope for our children?

When does the cycle ever end?

I wish we could teach this instead: (I got this from my wonderful friend Averil).