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I'm reading a TED Kindle Single at the moment - essentially an essay. It's called "Smile - The astonishing powers of a simple act". I've bought several
This one seemed an appropriate place to begin, as I have stated so many times recently, my goal for 2013 is simply to find my joy again. Find the things that make me happy. Do them. Surround myself with them. And where possible, share them.
And it may sound like a ridiculously simple notion - just smile. So obvious really. But I've noticed over the years that I see less and less people smiling. I'm a smiler. I have a habit of smiling at people when I meet their eye. Strangers. Checkout operators. Somebody walking in the opposite direction in the shops. Big smile. Sadly, maybe half return it. Half. At most. I find that such a sad reflection of where we're at as a society. That such a simple act, at no cost in time, effort or money can be so hard to come by.
And on that note, as I have withdrawn from the people around me over the past 3 years or so, I have less and less interaction than ever before. Especially as I've gotten more and more unwell and unable to drive. I'm as isolated as I've ever been. And it occurred to me a few weeks ago how rarely I see people, how rarely I get to smile. Or laugh.
And I made the decision to do it anyway. At home. To myself. Consciously make the effort to smile. Not in a senile 'I'm-not-sure-she's-had-her-medication' kind of way. But seeking out things that make me want to smile, things that make me laugh and indulging in them throughout the day.
There are some lovely statements in this book, dealing with the importance of smiling. The health benefits, the emotional effects, the affect that a smile can have on someone around us. The way that a smile lights up the pleasure centres in our brain. He talks about the way that smiles often broke through language and cultural barriers {though it was interesting to learn about different cultural smile, view smiles and what types of smiles they favour - it seems not all smiles are equal}.
A smile costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it. A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and is nature’s best antidote for trouble, yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen. For it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. -Gutman, Ron (2011-12-06). Smile: The Astonishing Powers of a Simple Act (Kindle Single) (TED Books)
Many, many studies of course have been done that prove, scientifically the benefits of smiling. One such study, carried out by University College London, from Baylor University Medical Centre and from the University of California at Davis conducted a study on mothers. During an MRI, mothers were shown pictures of their babies smiling. In these cases, the pleasure centres of the mothers' brains lit up and showed powerful results.
These are the same dopamine-associated reward-processing regions that other studies have shown to be strongly associated with addictive opiates like cocaine.
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| Credit - Janet Rogerson |
A child can look at a simple object, like a soap bubble or a dandelion, remain fascinated by it for a long time, and smile. Does this scene sound familiar? A child draws in a breath, puffs up her cheeks, and blows the seeds of the dandelion, then watches how they fly through the air, pauses for a second, and smiles – a very simple instantin the here and now. When this happens, you can see that the child is immersed in the magic of the moment.......
....My main learning point from my journey to unveil the hidden power of smiling is my Smiling List (or the nickname I’ve given it: my Dandelion List):a short mental record of 10 things that are usually present in my immediate environment that I associate with smiling. Each item on the list is either common in nature, or is something I can carry with me in my bag with very little effort. I think of them as my “personal dandelions.” My list includes art, children, trees, certain colors, flowers, and other personal tchotchkes that help me ground myself and remind me to be present and smile no matter what I do or where I am. Gutman, Ron (2011-12-06). Smile: The Astonishing Powers of a Simple Act (Kindle Single) (TED Books) (Kindle Locations 427-428). TED Books. Kindle Edition.
I sat and thought about whether I could think of 10 things to put on my Dandelion List. And if there are, I need to make sure that I take advantage of these things - use them often. Smile more, appreciate those simple moments or trinkets more and let my mind and body be flooded with happy hormones.
Some of my list items are tangible. Others are experiences, things that I do that make me happy, that seem to make me smile. Others are scents, some sounds/songs. Some of them you'd probably guess immediately, just knowing me a little.
1. Yellow. As most people who know me have seen, over the past 3 years or so I have reignited my love for the colour yellow. As a child it was hands down my favourite colour. But I hit my teenage years, and discovered hormones and teenage angst. In come black and grey and dark colours. Then I fell in love and discovered a love {to my mother's utter shock} of pinks. Soft, romantic pinks. Then I started looking at yellow things for a friend who was having a baby and found myself spending hours, lingering over websites, filled with pictures and items. And I found that instead of looking at baby things, I was looking at anything yellow. And over the last year I have embraced it further, recognising the affect that it has on me. Starting slowly to buy small things in the sunniest, happiest of colours. And you know what? It's real. I smile when I look at something as simple as my yellow coffee mugs or drink bottles. And I squealed and jumped around like an idiot when my yellow kindle case came last week. It made the boys laugh and squeal with me. For a solid 10 minutes, a lot of loud laughing and silliness took place in our home. But the result was wonderful. 3 people immediately in a good mood. Endorphins making for a happy, peaceful, cheery day.
2. Reading to Samuel or with Alexander. You all know how I love books. But there is something special about watching your child read a book you loved at his age, or sharing a new masterpiece with your littlest love. I am blessed to have experienced both of these this week and I am mindful of how precious these memories are, and how much joy they are giving me. I can't help but smile.
3. My very favourite fragrance. A friend bought me my first bottle of Mademoiselle about 9 years ago, and I was hooked. I love it, and sometimes when I need a little boost, I'll spray some on.
4. Funny videos. There are many funny videos, of course but I have 3 go-to cheer-me-up clips. These three make me laugh out loud every time. And if there is anything better for us than smiling, it is laughing. Have you seen these before?
This is my favourite Stand-Up routine ever. I'm watching it right now, and I'm laughing into my pillow {Joel's asleep}. I have watched this so many times. It makes me belly laugh every single time.
I was really late on the FOTC band wagon. I remember I used to see posts about them all over my facebook feed and wonder what everyone was on about. This is the song that made me a fan. I saved it immediately and it has never failed to work.
And probably my favourite comedy act - ABCTV's Clarke and Dawe. Oh, how I adore them. And this is my favourite of their skits. I look at this video every few weeks and I can quote it almost verbatim. {It's so funny to see how young they look here - they've been around on Australian TV for so long now}.
5. Flowers. I don't buy them enough, and this year I'm going to. The other day we were at Aldi and they had lots of bunches of roses. They were inexpensive. There was no occasion. But I bought 4, Yellow, Soft Pink, White and a Deep Pink. And they are packed into my white pitcher and I have smiled every time I've looked at them. Right now they are on my bedside table and they are the first thing I see when I wake up. Even Joel and the boys are looking at them often, commenting, smiling, touching, smelling.
6. Tea.
Not just tea itself. I've loved it since I was 10 but have been more of a coffee drinker since I was 14. But the past 6 months, as I've worked on getting healthier, I've cut back on coffee and started drinking tea again. And there is something about the ritual of it that I love. Selecting which tea. Selecting one of my yellow cups. Steeping it. Adding lots of milk. Sitting with my pretty yellow cup of tea and my pretty yellow Kindle and taking a few minutes to be still, quiet. Relaxed. I inevitably am smiling by the end of my little time-out.
And as shallow as it sounds, I would like to collect pretty tea cups and tea sets this year.
7. Caloundra - the beach.
I always feel so relaxed and happy when I go. The trick is getting me out the door. Still agoraphobic, though so, so much better than I was 6 months ago. I've been seeing a therapist and I've been trying to put myself out there and get out every week. We haven't spent enough time at the beach this summer but I want to go more often.
It's not a surf Beach, it's very calm. Perfect for families with young children, and for little Sam's who are afraid of waves. It has a wonderful boardwalk and it smells of salt and sunshine and happiness.
8. Reading It's entirely possible you're all sick of reading about it now. But more and more, my books are {next to my little family} what make me happiest. I'm never happier, and more inclined to smile than when I'm immersed in a book. At the moment, I'm enjoying Chick Lit, without feeling guilty for not reading something a little more high brow. I'm just enjoying the story, the romance, the little thrill. Whether it be the butterflies in my stomach when I walk into a book store, the euphoria I feel when I purchase another book, whether for me or the children or Joel, the smell of a book that I've had for years or staring in wonder at the literally thousands of e-books that I have, few things in my life make me happier than books.
9. My Belle and Boo print. I have been in love with the Belle and Boo art series since the very first time I saw my first print, about 10 years ago. Then last year, my friend Theresa sent me one. It is stunning. Yellow and sweet and whimsical. Even Joel, when he saw it said that it felt exactly right for me.
When we moved into this house, she was the first thing to go up on the walls. Brand new white frame and pride of place above my desk - Dad's old Roll Top that Mum bought him as an anniversary gift.
10. My Willow Tree Figurines. I've never been one of those people who collects trinkets or ornaments. In fact, I'd say until very recently, I was quite against the idea. Dust collectors, I used to say. I couldn't quite grasp the reason to have things sitting around in your house that didn't do anything.
These are the two I have. The ones I want most are below.
Then a few years ago I discovered Willow Tree. There are no words for how much I love them. I only have 2 at the moment. But I love them. And I have plans for the next 5 I want. I can't wait to get them and have these figurines, so representative of my feelings, about the people I love. They are also one of my favourite gifts to give. 3 times now I have given them to the most special of teachers and carers {They all get gifts, but the three that meant the most to us have gotten Willow Tree}.
There are other things. Music. Debating politics and social issues loudly with my Dad as he tries to rile me up. Watching movies with Joel. Being with the boys. But these are more obvious to me - as though they go without saying {not that I want to take them for granted}.
So - what makes you smile?
