The Things I'd Tell You....

Something to Talk About 4 - First week of school

2012-01-30T14:23:00.000+10:00

This week's blog promt is "Your first day of school". Our little ones are all headed back to school (either last week or this week, I'm assuming for most) and it's an exciting, if not stressful time.

Can you remember your first day at school? What was your teacher's name? Were you sad on your first day? Do you remember who your Year 1 best friend was? Do you have any photos of you on your first day?

I'll come back and do mine tomorrow. In the meantime, some photos of Alexander on his first day. I'm thrilled to say that despite my fears, this school is (so far) quite wonderful. He has an amazing teacher, the unit teachers and aides are divine (He has really attached to Russell, the male teacher's aide for Unit Kids in Year 4). The unit here is about the size of the unit at his old school (which had 500 children, this school has 1100). But the number of children attached to it is less than half. So it's going to be wonderful to see him finally NOT fall through the cracks.

Some flash flooding here in Brisbane, and the Australia day public holiday messed his first week around a bit (And Sammy's first week at his kindy/Pre School. Can you believe he will start Prep next year???? He coped amazingly well, far better than anyone expected! It was good news all around for my darling boys). So hopefully we'll get some routine going from this week.

So...tell us about your memories of your first day of school. How different was it to how yours are starting?

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Lisa's Thursday Three - What I love about my country

2012-01-28T14:29:00.000+10:00

Linking up with Lisa from Life as we know it for the first time for Thursday Three (Ok. So I'm a day and a bit late. Don't pretend you're surprised).

1. I imagine that this is probably what most Australian's would start with, but it can't be helped. I love the beauty of this country. Or more than that, the diversity of beauty. The ochre of the centre that seemed to cover everything when I lived there for my teenage years. The turquoise of our reef, one of the world's great wonders. The verdant, deep mossy green of some of it's forests. The crimson of the Sturt Desert Pea against the yellow of the Golden Wattle; the purple Jacaranda so precious to me, and as I gaze up at them, I spy the explosion of colour - my favourite bird, the Rainbow Lorikeet.

2. Relaxed, easy paced lifestyle.

I love that we can have a laugh here. I love the sense of mateship, the Sunday afternoon barbecues, beach and backyard cricket being a right of passage for every Aussie kid, our ridiculous love of sports and the water, our ability to poke fun at ourselves.

What Australians's SHOULD think about when they hear "Wallabies"

What Australians's REALLY think about when they hear "Wallabies"

(All image sources can be found via my Pinterest).

3. I genuinely love that Australia is a melting pot of cultures. That with the exception of the Indigenous people, we're all from somewhere else. I can honestly say, I have no real desire to 'stop the boats'. I know we have to think about long term infrastructure, but I'd like to see us be more welcoming to immigrants, not less. I think communities are more beautiful for their diversity, not less.

What do you love about the country you live in?

What would I do - Something to Talk About

2012-01-25T09:43:00.001+10:00

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back on my own "Something to Talk About" post. Busy, stressful week last week, trying to get both boys ready for School (Alexander - Year 4) and Pre School (Sammy).
More on that for my next post.

Last week's topic:

“List things you are curious about. What do you want to learn? If you could go back and study anything you want (can be more than one thing), what would you choose? Are there any skills you wish you had that you don't? Dream big. Tell me all of the things you wish you could do, all of the things you wish you could learn about. ”

Source: Uploaded by user via Tamara on Pinterest

I think one of the reasons I didn't get on to this one is that there are so many things I wish I could do. So many things I would change about the past 20 years, things I wish I'd pursued, chased, committed to. I wouldn't change marrying Joel, having the boys, or looking after Mum.

But I do wish I liked myself more. I wish I had more 'accomplishments', I wish I was more accomplished. I wish I'd let my inner nerd out 20 years ago when I had all of the time in the world (and worked harder to get the money to finance it, rather than squandering it all).

On to the things I wish I'd devoted time to learning.

1. I wish I had gone to university and studied. If time and responsibility were no issue there are several things I would want to study. English Literature. Creative Writing. Political Science. International Affairs. History. Medicine. Art History. Music History. Those ones are just for fun. I also wish I'd pursued my interest in the law, though mostly my interest would focus on political/government law.

I'm incredibly interested in linguistics (and may choose to pick up a couple of languages myself, if I can over the next couple of years). I'd like to learn several languages though. I've had this conversation with Joel so many times and struggle to narrow it down. Some are purely nerd factor, others....I don't know. I just wish I could speak (and write and read) them.

1. French (My first choice. I love the sound of it; except when spoken by non-French men. Mostly then it kind of grosses me out, the stereotypical sleezy french accent. But...(ultimate nerd factor. I've never read Proust. And I'm told it doesn't count if you don't read it in it's original. French).
2. Italian
3. Latin (I did say nerd factor; it's just that so much that we know and say now stems from Latin..)
4. Arabic
5. Spanish
6. Russian
7. Hebrew (more nerd factor. And no. I don't fancy myself the person to solve the Israel-Palestinian conflict {because we're forever going to be stuck on a)right of return and b) who gets Jerusalem. Sorry. A whole other rant})

Source: Uploaded by user via Lindsey on Pinterest

I want to read Pablo Neruda as he was meant to be read.

The following plaque at La Chascona contains a section of the Neruda poem “I Request Silence.”

It is a question of how much I have lived
that I want to live that much more.
I have never felt so resonant,
I have never received so many kisses.
Now, as always, it’s early.
The light flies with its bees.
Leave me alone with the day.
I request permission to be born.

And while we're putting it out there, I wish I'd been ~~rich~~ smart enough to go to an American Ivy League, or gone to Cambridge. Just to stand in a building (like Trinity College) that has been there for hundreds and hundreds of years!

2. I wish I had learned two instruments. I took piano for a short time at school, but we didn't own one. And there was one piano at the school and several of us trying to learn. And only one of us ever got near it (because she was a cow and she simply wouldn't give it up). And now, later in life, I've developed such a deep appreciation for violins and cellos.

I wish so much I was a good gardener. I would love to have a vegetable garden that kept us in fruit and veg all year around. I'd love not to kill even mint and cactii (I'm not kidding). And there's nothing I would love more than a beautiful English cottage styled garden.

Ok. So clearly I'm going to need to make a crap load of money to afford a home big enough to have a huge cottage garden at the front, with all of the flowers and colours I want; a large kitchen garden by the side and still have somewhere for they boys to play out the back. I don't ask much, do I?

Sadly my thumb has thus far proven to be the blackest of black. I really do wish this was something I could learn how to do.

(Because it's already Wednesday, I'm going to postpone the next prompt until Monday. I already know what it is, so it should go up early).

Sunday Sessions - A look back into my childhood.

2012-01-22T15:14:00.000+10:00

Linking up with Thea's Sunday Sessions.

I was on Facebook last night and was reminded that Channel 10's revamp of Young Talent Time begins tonight.

We don't really watch television. We get seasons of shows that we like and we watch them in bulk, but we never actually sit down at the TV and watch normal, scheduled programming. Not for at least the last 3 years.

But I confess. A part of me is curious. a)I think Alexander would get a kick out of it and b)I'm wondering if it will be as terrible as it sounds. I just don't know that they can bring the format so beloved (by some) of the 70's and 80's and transform them into the era we live in now.

I saw my first Promo for the new series on You Tube today.

One of the things that was popular about the old format was the (seemingly - let's not discuss behind the scenes) innocence of the show and the old YTT. Will that hold up with this generation's tweens? Will they even try to? Or will they just follow current trends and sex it up?

It got me remembering the YTT of old. Young Talent Time started in 1971. It was supposed to be a 13 week filler for the football off season, but became so popular it got a slot of it's own and continued until 1988 (well, there were some re-attemtpts later but they don't really count).

My mother, just 12 when the program began fell in love with it right away. It was so her thing. I was born in 1975, just 4 years later and she and I (and later my 2 sisters) never missed an episode. Not one. It was a fixture of our family for my entire early childhood.

I was looking through some old videos on YouTube this morning to poke a ~~looot of~~ little fun. Instead, I was transported back. I remember every single episode of the 80's, and have vague memories of some of the late 70's. I watched video after video and the memories came soaring back - my mother, my sisters, sitting on our lounge suites. Which numbers we liked. Which ones we hated. Who our favourites were (I loved Tina Arena, Vince del Tito and Dannii (Danielle, as she was known) Minogue, with a soft spot for the tiny Courtney, who started at the tender age of 8. I remember Courtney's first show. I remember Dannielle's first show. I remember Vince's last, Joey Perrone's last, Tina's last. I remember 'meeting' Karen, Katy, Lorena, Mark, Beven, Greg, Natalie, Juanita, Vanessa....

I remember Katie singing Walking on Sunshine...which became my sister Tamara's favourite, along with Vanessa (fellow red head). I remember Natalie, burned to a crisp in Hamilton Island. I remember the number of Madonna songs Dannielle sang, always the one trying to raunch it up a little. I remember speculating over the status of the relationship of Vince and Dannielle. I remember Tina's voice, and how incredible it was, even as a young girl.

I remember the 1987 open air concert in Brisbane that my parents took us to to see them. I'd never been more excited about anything in my life up to that point. They'd managed to surprise us and I thought it might have been the greatest surprise ever.

Did you watch? Did you have favourites? Any special memories?

Bawled my eyes out!

I remember that Mark had a John Farnham obsession and one of the best male voices on the show since the 70's

We were at the Brisbane version of this concert.

The youngest started since Tina Arena, just 8 years old. I remember talking to my girlfriends at school the next morning all about it.

So. A new era starts. Will you be watching?

Why I'm a bad wife and don't deserve my husband

2012-01-21T12:26:00.002+10:00

Source: cartoonstock.com via Melissa on Pinterest

First of all, bear in mind that is is the second last day of school holidays. It has been approximately 50 days of children at home. We've moved house. We've had everyone sick at one point or another. We've had rained in weeks and rained in weekends. We've had prohibitively hot weeks and weekends. We've had two boys stir crazy. Like...killing each other stir crazy.

But. You have no idea how hard it was to keep a straight face during this conversation with my beloved this morning.

"We're just about ready to head out to the creek. We'll be a few hours. Are you sure you'll be ok?"
"Yes, I'll be fine....." cue evil laugh in my head..."Are you sure? Will you be lonely? Do you want to come with us?" insert jaws music and me picturing the steep and unstable bush walk they will traverse to get to the swimming hole. In 30 something degree heat. In water I can't see the bottom of and am therefore terrified of...."Do you promise me you'll relax? I don't want you working today. Leave the housework. Just do something relaxing. Sleep. Read. Go on that Pin thing you like to do. You're sure you'll be ok if we leave you?" Try not to shove them out the door as I nod mournfully and say..."It'll be fine. Maybe I can come another time. But I really don't want you guys to miss out on your fun because of me. Go. Take Your Time. Have fun. I'll miss you, but I'll be ok...." In the air conditioning. With my book. My chick flicks. Pinterest. Coffee. No fighting children. SILENCE......

Source: google.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Sam on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Melissa on Pinterest

I'm going to hell, aren't I? Wanna come?

Why I'm a bad wife and don't deserve my husband

2012-01-21T11:55:00.000+10:00

Source: cartoonstock.com via Melissa on Pinterest

First of all, bear in mind that is is the second last day of school holidays. It has been approximately 50 days of children at home. We've moved house. We've had everyone sick at one point or another. We've had rained in weeks and rained in weekends. We've had prohibitavely hot weeks and weekends. We've had two boys stir crazy. Like...killing each other stir crazy.

But. You have no idea how hard it was to keep a straight face during this conversation with my beloved this morning.

"We're just about ready to head out to the creek. We'll be a few hours. Are you sure you'll be ok?"
"Yes, I'll be fine....." cue evil laugh in my head..."Are you sure? Will you be lonely? Do you want to come with us?" insert jaws music and me picturing the steep and unstable bush walk they will traverse to get to the swimming hole. In 30 something degree heat. In water I can't see the bottom of and am therefore terrified of...."Do you promise me you'll relax? I don't want you working today. Leave the housework. Just do something relaxing. Sleep. Read. Go on that Pin thing you like to do. You're sure you'll be ok if we leave you?" Try not to shove them out the door as I nod mournfully and say..."It'll be fine. Maybe I can come another time. But I really don't want you guys to miss out on your fun because of me. Go. Take Your Time. Have fun. I'll miss you, but I'll be ok...." In the air conditioning. With my book. My chick flicks. Pinterest. Coffee. No fighting children. SILENCE......

Source: google.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Sam on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Melissa on Pinterest

I'm going to hell, aren't I? Wanna come?

So. Here's the thing.

2012-01-20T15:21:00.001+10:00

A dear friend of mine has just told me to stand up for myself. I have been allowing horrible, cruel messages to be left on my blog, all over the place. Comments about my weight, my ugliness (I get it. Not a looker. Thanks). The appearance of my children (sorry, don't get that one. I thought they were cute). That I deserve to die. That I should kill myself. That I'm a miserable loser. Yada Yada Yada.

And because generally, I hate censorship, I let them go. I thought I was making a statement about freedom of speech. Because I honestly don't mind when people agree with me. I genuinely enjoy debate. But healthy debate. And I believe that when people have an opinion, even one you disagree with, they're entitled to it. So I let it all go. As long as they followed my "Don't mention Xiaxue" rule, they could stay. I thought I was being brave, proving I can take it as much as I can dish it out.

Except. I didn't dish out anything remotely like that. While I may have said I thought her blog was not what I considered 'the best' there is, I never said she was ugly. I never said I wished her ill. I never said anything like that.

So. We're done now, ok? You can waste as much time as you like, leaving as many comments as you like about how much you hate me. About how fat and ugly I am. Whatever. Not a single one of them will remain.

From today on, they're all going. Take note. It stops today. I will endeavour to make my words as kind as possible. But if you want to be 'heard' on here, you're going to have to do the same.

Discombobulated

2012-01-20T01:08:00.001+10:00

I feel...off. Distanced. I've been feeling this way for weeks now, months maybe. Before the school holidays, certainly. We decided to move to Cairns, we decided not to move to Cairns. We decided to move to a more inner suburb of Brisbane, we looked at more than a dozen. We looked at so many homes, I couldn't count them. We picked a suburb. Struck it off the list as house after house went before we'd even applied. As house after house was unsuitable.

We reconsidered Cairns. Called it off again - a promise of help from the In Laws. Promise withdrawn, basically right away. All too hard. We look at a suburb further out. It's further from his work, but it's a block from a school. We applied. We got screwed over by our real estate agent.

We decided to stay put. We made arrangements for school runs. People put hands up. Then down again once we'd accepted. We looked at homes near that school, found one, even. But Joel couldn't bear the thought of living in it. Decided to stay put.

Got a call, we had this house after all. Two weeks to move in though, or it would go to someone else. I laughed, told them they could talk to Joel. The move was off, we were resolute. No move. Half an hour later, he was home. The move was on. And it was on FAST. School had finished for the year only an hour earlier.

That sums up 4 weeks - early November to early December. I'm shell shocked. There is so much to do. So little time to do it in. And I'm so unwell, in so much pain. How will we manage? Then Joel hurt his back, laid him out the first week. Left us with just 8 days to pack up the house and be out.

I'm waiting for him to change his mind. Realise it's all to much, and decide we're better off staying with the status quo for a year or so. Alexander and I are very stressed. We're both trying to hide it. Him from me, me from Joel. Maybe we shouldn't have.

We move. It's horrible. Back breaking, bone jarringly bad. But it's done. We move in the weekend of Christmas. The boys are happy. We're a block from the school, and 9 houses away from the kindy. Everyone's happy.

I'm not happy. I'm mostly numb. Except when I'm not. Except when I sit in my bed and cry and cry, waiting for someone to fix this. Someone to tell me I can keep my darling boy in the school (and amazing class) he wants to be in. The cosy, comfortable school of 500 children, where the principal has gone out of her way to take special care of him since the last incident.

Mother in law comes up with a solution. I'm so grateful, I basically sob out my 'Yes' (a word I have trouble using when I'm being offered a lifeline). In the next breath, Father in law rules it out. For what seems to everyone to be no good reason at all. Simply an unwillingness to commit. Nothing I can do, of course. Alexander's not his child.

But I can't help the rising panic. I'm waiting for someone to tell me I don't have to send him to a strange new school, that is literally more than twice the size. I'm waiting for the hail mary that clearly isn't going to come. I'm waiting for something, anything to make me feel like my feet are on the ground and my mind is thinking clearly. I'm waiting to learn any detail, anything about this school. A school who's website is down, there is no trace really of the school online. It's as though it doesn't exist, though I can see it from the end of my street.

Me, always prepared, doesn't know what the uniform looks like. I can't even go and buy generic school clothes in the right colours, I've no idea what they are. I can't find a single newsagents, supermarket or office works that has the book list for the school. Again. It's as though it doesn't exist. 6 days out from the new school year, and I've done nothing but order a new lunch box and drink bottle.

I'm not unpacked. I'd say my body hasn't recovered yet, from the move. But really, it was like this before. The pain getting worse and worse since October, when I stopped the Prednisone. I've not been able to see my Dr since then, so I've gone from doctor to doctor in the practice. None of them want to talk about my concerns. Dealing with the immediate issues of scripts, dermatitis....outright refusal to discuss joint pain. My health isn't in my hands right now. But it's not in anyone's, really.

I'm detaching. From Joel. From family. Avoiding calls. Avoiding family. Avoiding tests my Doctors wanted run 2 weeks ago. Avoiding leaving the bedroom unless absolutely necessary. It's a sanctuary, such as it is, and anything outside of it feels unsafe. Maybe that's too strong a word. Exposed. I feel exposed.

I attempt a walk to the school. It's not even the whole way. I only have to walk a couple of hundred metres, and then stand in line for half an hour. It's been 3 days and my pain is at an all time high. Both of my hips and my lower back - they haven't settled. Tomorrow I have to walk both boys to the school, in the middle of the day (at it's hottest, or in pouring rain, depending on which forecast you read) for his official enrollment interview.

I feel sick thinking about it. The pain, physically. The panic, being out of my comfort zone. The sheer exhaustion of hiding that. The heart thumping, horrible feeling of wanting so desperately to make myself tiny, hidden. Unnoticeable. I've always had it, but never more so than the last year with the pred and the Cushings. I don't look like me. And now, I don't feel like me.

I feel like my life has been going on these past couple of months, and I'm really not a part of it. I'm not living it. It feels like this is all happening to me, rather than me being a participant in it. It's discombobulating. I feel like my feet haven't hit the floor, like I'm being dragged and pulled along by the wind, a tumbleweed picked up and hurried along. I'm scared of whatever, eventually I'm going to crash in to.

Source: balnacra.blogspot.com via Melissa on Pinterest

When will I plug back in? When will I connect again with my family? When will I feel like me? Is it just all of the changes? The lack of routine over holidays? Are the doctors right to want to put me back on anti-psychotics? They claim it's for insomnia (I don't remember the last time I fell asleep before 3, and that is WITH sleeping pills). But I'm scared to take them.

I just want to feel like me. Like I'm not trapped in my head. Like anyone can hear me. Can anyone hear me?

Something To Talk About 3

2012-01-17T15:19:00.000+10:00

I'm a day late, but I hadn't forgotten about you, just unwell. Thank you so much for your entries to Something to Talk About last week, I get so excited every time I see a new submission! On to a new week..

“List things you are curious about. What do you want to learn? If you could go back and study anything you want (can be more than one thing), what would you choose? Are there any skills you wish you had that you don't? Dream big. Tell me all of the things you wish you could do, all of the things you wish you could learn about. ”

(all photos from Pinterest)

What's something you'd really like to know how to do? Not just something you'd like to try, or do a quick course in? But really, really be an expert at?

I'll be back with mine later.

Sunday Sessions and Piquing my Interest

2012-01-16T00:00:00.000+10:00

So, I think it's just going to be easier if I combine two of my favourite linkys. Sundays see two of my favourite bloggy friends host links on their blogs. Thea from Do I really Wanna Blog hosts her Sunday Sessions and Tina from Tina Gray {dot} Me hosts her Piquing my Interest.

So. They're going together from now on. When I can, I'll see if I can find a way to make them somehow go together. Today is not one of those days.

Now, like any game, there are rules. I don't actually follow them, but here, I'll put them up for you just in case you're actually reading. And yes, I'll be able to tell pretty quickly if you've been reading..... ;-)

Welcome to another edition of Piquing my Pinterest - a weekly Pinterest link up where Pinterest {hearters} share some of the things they have been pinning on their virtual pinboards.

I don’t like to enforce rules so these are just…guidelines….{but I'll blacklist your blog if you don't follow them}

Blog about your favourite pins from the past week. They can be random pins or themed. Totally up to you. Sometimes mine are themed. Sometimes they are totally random.
Grab the button (from my sidebar) and add it to your post and/or your sidebar. Because it’s good karma sutra. A little link love didn’t hurt anyone
Add your blog link to the linky below - so other Pinners can come visit you.
Visit some of the other links and give some comment love.

Happy Pinning!

It's not been the best weekend I've had. Joel has been knocked out by some virus and basically hurts all over and can do nothing but sleep. He's not a happy camper, and the boys seem to be coming down with it too, though not as severely as Joel.

Add to that, I'm agitated. I think it's just that we're a week away from Alexander starting a brand new school and Sammy starting a brand new kindy. I'm sick to my stomach. I'm scratching again {it's actually been a fair while, I was doing so well} and so, so nervous all of the time. I vacillate wildly between nervous, furious and wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. Except I can't cry. I want to scream and swear and hit something. There's nothing or noone to swear at or hit. I want to drug myself into oblivion. Joel won't let me.

Source: google.com via Zurina on Pinterest

So I've spent a lot of the weekend either reading or pinning. Trying to submerge myself in a world of yellow, pink, turquoise and white. The colours I'm most drawn to at the moment. (Am thinking, totally out of left field, of finding someone who could make me one of those lovely American quilts in these colours. Not for our bed, just as a big comfort blanket I could wrap around myself. Anyone know anyone who does this for a living?).

It's worked enough to make me be gentle with the boys. It's worked enough for me to address the things making me want to kill Joel right now calmly and {somewhat} rationally. Barely. But tomorrow's a new day, and I want to put some of them up - there's no rhyme or reason. Just beauty.

I want to get my first Belle and Boo pic.

Source: Uploaded by user via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: prayforpeacefuldreams.tumblr.com via Melissa on Pinterest

I want a bedroom makeover for our wedding anniversary this year (it's not 'til September, so plenty of time to look for what I want). I saw this. Enough yellow to keep my happy, but not too girly for Joel. What bedding to you have? Do you like it? Does your husband have an opinion either way (Joel says he doesn't care, but I wonder..). Do you go with neutrals so it doesn't 'look' gender specific, or do you just get what you like?

Source: google.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Because I don't mind it, but it doesn't jump out at me either. I've not decided whether to go white with yellow or white with an aqua or turqoise.

How amazing is this picture????

Source: flickr.com via Melissa on Pinterest

This video has gone viral, I doubt there will be many who haven't seen it yet. But me putting it up is kind of a big deal because I absolutely despise the original (much to Joel's chagrin - he loves it).
But this is a cover - 5 people playing one guitar and singing "Someone that I used to know". Tell me what you think. Which version do you prefer?

Please put me out of my misery.

2012-01-14T08:45:00.000+10:00

I really have no excuse. I've been awake (albeit with a killer headache) for 2 hours. I've had two cups of coffee.

But I'm drawing a blank on A, M, P, Q, T, U, V, Y and Z. WTF are they? What did I miss?
Granted, I spent the end of the 80's in the middle of the Northern Territory with no access to movies until the mid 90's (didn't have a VCR, and certainly no cinema), but come on. These are ALL vaguely familiar to me, so what am I missing.

Help me Obi Wan....

Source: yeahflashback.com via Melissa on Pinterest

First person to give me the answer gets to tell me what my next blog post has to be about. (Ok. Within reason. I have family who read this, and Joel's bosses and workmates could find it very easily if they wanted to).

Friday Romance

2012-01-13T12:14:00.000+10:00

Source: mattandginny.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Honestly, I'm sooo sappy! I can't help it. I keep posting soppy pictures and songs and links. Well, get the tissues out girls.

Jenn from Follow the Gleam sent me a link on Facebook last night. It was a follow up to a Proposal that went viral (eww..that doesn't sounds as romantic as you'd think, does it?) a while back.

Here's the proposal.

Not bad. Extravagant, certainly. I'm not huge on the whole 'public spectacle' thing, but I'll confess, a man who'll go to that much trouble for his girl (assuming she isn't me) is a keeper. It's a proposal people won't forget.

They posted the wedding (or some of it) on their YouTube channel. I think I'm a little in love with him now. He's SOOOO in love with her. SO besotted. It's just beautiful. (And make no mistake. That dress is divine! I can't stop looking at it).

And for some fun? This dance by a groom for his bride. Forgive the song. I didn't pick it. I can't believe anyone picked it. But it's fun.

It's my linky and I'll cheat if I want to..

2012-01-12T10:23:00.003+10:00

Time to link to...myself, and find my Top 5! This week's challenge was:

In a fantasy world, forget about spouses and loves, if you could fall in love with {or be best friends with, I don't think it should all be about who you'd shag, so lets have some from both categories } a movie or tv character, name 5 you would choose. Not the actors but the movie characters. You have to tell us why.

It seems simple enough. Except. Not. I've a tendency to fall far more for characters than for actors. In fact, for the most part, I could barely tell you a thing about the actors.

I didn't read the brief properly, because for some reason, in my head, I thought it was just TV show characters, and you were all cheating. Duh. Now it's even harder! I thought I had it narrowed down to the 5 TV Characters. Dammit.

So. There's really only 1 solution. You can do this too. You just wish you'd thought of it. ;-)
I'm doing 5 of each! (Cheating on my linky is not only allowed - it is encouraged!).

From the world of Movies

(And I'm going to try not to be predictable. I'm eliminating any of the Austin men. Sob. Even Mr Knightly and Captain Wentworth. Sob again. Only because I always choose them. If I 'know' them mostly from a book, then they're out. So no Gilbert Blythe, no Teddy Lawrence. No Benedick or Don Pedro).

1. Jack Callaghan - While you were Sleeping. I loved Jack. Pretty much everything about him. I'd absolutely have fallen in love with him over Peter.

Source: allstarpics.net via Lindsey on Pinterest

2. Noah Calhoun. I know. It's from a book. But let's be honest. Not a very good one, so it doesn't count, right? I confess. I did love this movie. And his character. Far more than I liked hers. A man with that kind of devotion? A letter every single day for a year? Dreamy sigh.

Even if it were just for this kiss.....(Or the one he planted on Rachel McAdams at the MTV awards that year!).

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It's not even the rain {though of course, that helps}, but the sheer intensity.

3. Captain Von Trapp. I know he was a grouch for much of the movie. But he was my first love. And 30 years later, I still love him. Or at least, Christopher Plummer's version of him. My mother said I had a thing for older, brooding men, especially those with children. She thought I would eventually marry one (lol. She could not have been more wrong with Joel, he was younger than me, happy and certainly had no children! {though she was right about my predilection for the Von Trapps of the world}.

4. Westley - The Princess Bride Hot, smart, dashing, daring. What's not to love.

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As you wish....

5. Sam Baldwin - Sleepless in Seattle.

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Again. Broken Man. Mourning his dead wife. But oh, how he loved her. Remember the scene on the radio?

Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while............. it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic.

TV Land. These were far easier. My top 5 is kind of a no brainer.

1. Sam Seaborne. (Ok. The only hard part was whether to put Sam first or second. In the end, his beautiful words and idealism won me over. I'd marry Sam over every single person in both of these lists).

"...Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes, we need gigantic, monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defense. That's my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet."

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Sam Seaborn: There are a lot of hungry people in the world, Mal, and none of them are hungry 'cause we went to the moon. None of them are colder and certainly none of them are dumber 'cause we went to the moon. Mallory O'Brian: And we went to the moon. Do we really have to go to Mars? Sam Seaborn: Yes. Mallory O'Brian: Why? Sam Seaborn: 'Cause it's next. 'Cause we came out of the cave, and we looked over the hill and we saw fire; and we crossed the ocean and we pioneered the west, and we took to the sky. The history of man is hung on a timeline of exploration and this is what's next.

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Oratory should raise your heart rate. Oratory should blow the doors off the place. We should be talking about not being satisfied with past solutions; we should be talking about a permanent revolution.

2. Josh Lyman. I adore Josh. He was going to be first. But I think Sam's idealism combined with the number of times that as a lover/wife I'd want to kill him (And then debate him and have make up sex) put him second on the list. I feel like I just cheated on my favourite TV Character. The dimples. Oh, the dimples. And the banter....and the politics....and the ego....and the brains to back up the ego...and the dimples.....

3. C.J Cregg I want to be CJ's best friend. There. I said it. It's a girl crush. She's who I'd love to be when I grow up..except perhaps with a better work/life balance. But Press Secretary CJ, not Chief of Staff CJ. That was such a terrible move for her character.

4. Derek Morgan. And yes. It's because he is all kinds of beautiful. Kind of breathtaking. My (possibly only) Perfect 10 (physically). I LOVE his interactions on Criminal Minds (my favourite Current TV Show, as opposed to The West Wing - My favourite TV show ever) with Penelope. Who would be my next choice for best friend material.

5. Special (And I do mean Special) Agent Gibbs - NCIS.

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See?? Again with the brooding, older, handsome man thing. I think I just want to 'fix' them.

So, pop over here if you want to play along, and add your entry. Who are your movie and TV crushes?

Books I want to read next....(Around the year in 52 books 2012)

2012-01-11T06:30:00.006+10:00

I'm hoping to keep up with my 52 books in 2012. I barely scraped in last year, but considering there were a couple of months where I was basically unable to read, I'm not going to beat myself up. Goal acheived.

So. I have a few books I am determined to read this year. At least 25, already set aside. Not in order, just books I want to read. I have close to 800 books on my computer now (Discovered I Can also download from Amazon's Kindle for my Personal computer as well. And they have a LOT of free books. Most of them are rubbish, but if you are prepared to take the time and pick through the bunch, you always come up with some great ones).

So I will read these books this year, and then slot in whatever takes my fancy to make up my 52ish.

I've just finished the first on my list (moving house and school holidays didn't make for much reading time, or indeed, the mood. Until a couple of days ago. I'm certainly in one now!).

1. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood. Based on the (always reliable) praise by my friend Averil. I found this book difficult to read. Emotionally, I mean. I found myself wanting to be out of this world. And yet, I had to finish. I was compelled to finish.

I want to really have variety in what I read this year. I have downloaded hundreds of books, crossing all genres. I plan to read a lot more biographies and autobiographies. More non fiction. A little Sci-Fi (not usually my chosen genre, though Ender's Game is in my top 5 books ever). Some fantasy, though again, not my usual fare.

Here are some of the books I'm most looking forward to getting to. In fact, as I type this, I'm a little giddy but overwhelmed at the choices. Which one to start tonight?

I've got plenty of others to mix in with this lot. Some volumes of poetry I'd like to explore {Pablo Neruda, Frost, Wordsworth}, some fluff and some more memoirs and none fiction and some beloved favourites {the entire Anne of Green Gables series}.

For tonight, after the heaviness of The Handmaid's Tale, I think I'm going to go for something nice and easy - one I can breeze through and get some momentum happening.

2. Between Here and Forever - Elizabeth Scott

Blogger Interviews 5 - Torkona

2012-01-10T12:26:00.003+10:00

It's been a few weeks (to let all of the riff raff get it out of their system J Finally down under 1000 people here a day, so I think they're done.) but it's time to get back to the Blogger Interviews. Have been itching to get this one out at last. A Daddy blogger! (Hey, if we have to be "Mummy {or worse Mommy} Bloggers then he has to be a Daddy blogger).Always good to get a man's perspective.
For other interviews in the series, see here, here, here and here.

Link

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1. Tell us something about yourself. In as many or as few words as you like. Who are you? I am the batman. Ohh, I mean, my name is Torkona, but you can call me Tork. I'm a dad blogger! And devilishly handsome J

Fighting evil by day. Blogging and changing nappies by night. It's a hard life.

2. How long have you been blogging? What made you decide to sit down and actually start blogging. Did you find it easy to settle into, or a struggle at first? I just celebrated my one year anniversary of blogging last week. I started because I wanted to make some dollars blogging. Supporting myself, a wife and child on my salary alone is a scary thing. It's still a struggle to find the time to do it, but every day you improve.

3. What do you like to blog about? I enjoy blogging things that pop into my brain. Mainly, it is a dad's point of view of being a father. You might see the odd strange thing, like If Shakespeare Was Australian.(Really Tork? "Farting is such sweet sorrow?" I can't stand to admit that that made me snort!) I often do these things to amuse myself!

4. When you were 10, what did you want to be when you grew up? Lordy.. I'm lucky to remember what I did yesterday! I reckon it was either a Chef or TV Comedian.

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5. What is your favourite:

* colour Blue, or in French, Bleu!

*book Douglas Adams' "Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy

*tv show Ooooh tricky, don't make me choose! :-) Of all time, I would have to say Fawlty Towers. Man, that was hard.

*movie Life is Beautiful

*flower Ones in the ground are good

6. If you could do or be anything you wanted, what would you choose? Hmm I guess just having secret super powers would be cool. (I thought Batman didn't need super-powers. Just that kick ass car? I'm beginning to suspect you lied to me at the beginning of this interview...trying to get me to fall for you?)

7. Tell me something about your first {real} kiss. What was his name? How old were you? Was it nice? His name was Gerard. A sweet, dosile young man with the body of a... errr, yep, just creeped myself out there a bit. Weren't expecting to interview a fella were ya? J For the love of all things holy....I walked right into that one, didn't I? Sorry mate. For the record he refused to share the real story. So, for all intents and purposes, we're sticking with Gerard!!!!

This is Gerard now. Clearly, he's still traumatised at being left by Tork.

8. What are you blogging goals for 2012? Keep on blogging, receive cheques, finish ideas, review products/events/places...

9. Do you have any special plans or resolutions personally for next year? Nahh, not someone who has these. Happy worrying about the now with only a small worry of the future.

10. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose, and why? London. In a flash. The theatres, the lifestyle, the people, the food. Scoop me up and put me on a plane baby, ohh yeah!

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11. What inspires you? In your life? In your blog? I've always said Inspiration comes from within, you just sometimes need to be reminded. If you look hard enough, you already have everything within. Sometimes you just need a spark from the outside would to get you there quicker.

12.Do you have a favourite blog, or a blog/site you go to that just makes you feel good? I'm not picking a favourite. It is pretty much every single person you comments on my blog that has their own blog. They are my faves. I try my best to visit, but time is limited these days.

13.An oldie but a goodie – You get to have dinner with 5 people, past, present or fictional. Who do you choose? My Grandpa. I love him and miss his guts. The others, Jim Morrison, Henry VIII, Queen's mum, Rachel Finch Ok. I'm going to have to Google Rachael Finch. There'd better not be porn, is all I'm sayin. Or at least, if there is, it'd better be good porn, you know?

Ok. So not really porn. Just you know..some hot chick.
I'll bet Henry VIII would have LOVED her! J For a few months.

14.Is there something (besides blogging of course J ) that you’re really good at? Or, conversely – really bad at? I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. Suppose I am a good dad, at least, I hope to be!

15. Plug your blog. Tell us a little bit about it. J I'll plug my top three. There is Tork's blog, my personal blog about life as a dad and how it is to be a father. Also, there is the Adelaide and South Australia blog. A site about everything SA. Finally, there is Review'd. A blog listings site where you can add your own blog for increased exposure and Google ranking.

Ok. The next question is one I put on the interviews, but I never show (and honestly, noone ever names names, dammit! No good gossip for me from anyone yet). But Tork said he didn't mind if I published this. And I went over it and over it and decided I want to. Because I really think he makes a good point. I'm guilty of this myself. I was following the pregnancy of Mrs Tork, excited for his birth (I discovered Tork's blog about 2 weeks before the birth) and stayed a little while. Then kind of drifted (not just with his blog, with lots).

But he's right. Dad Bloggers DO have a different perspective, and surely this is a great thing? Surely hearing things from a man's point of view is helpful in our parenting? I know obviously, not all men are the same. But still. In my opinion, the more perspective we can all have the better. As they say....it takes a village.

So. My usually joking question - but an answer that really did deserve publishing (Thanks Tork for being ok about it and being honest).

16.Which bloggers really get up your nose and why? I don't mind if you show it or not. But lately, I've been annoyed at mum bloggers (don't get your back up. Read this. He makes good points, and it's not just him). A minority have been fantastic, but the majority will refuse to connect with a male blogger, such as myself. I remember over the past year having lots of supporters to the lead up for my son's birth. A lot just wanted to hear that story and then they'd piss off, some would stay around after learning of his health issues. But now he's better, a lot of friends made early on are still blogging but no longer are seen on my blog. Mums should start connecting with other dads. We have a persective on parenting that is often not talked about. Anyway.. I love mum bloggers, especially the ones I follow and that follow me. Ooh, and the ones that interview me J

Something to Talk About 2 - Choose 5

2012-01-09T18:07:00.027+10:00

Time for this week's blog prompt. Each Monday evening, I'll put up a prompt - it may be a sentence, a question, a picture - anything. And over the week, anyone who wants to join in can post on their blog, and submit it here. Hopefully it's a good way to get us all writing again. We'll be stretching our memories, questioning what's important to us, sometimes trying out creative writing skills. It'll be a bit of everything.

Last week's prompt was : If you could only offer your children one piece of advice, what would it be?
There were some beautiful posts, some lovely, worthy advice for the next generation.

Something lighter this week. Less soul searching, a little more whimsy and fun (because my brain is fried from the book I'm reading. Excellent book, but making me slightly melancholy).

In a fantasy world, forget about spouses and loves, if you could fall in love with {or be best friends with, I don't think it should all be about who you'd shag :-), so lets have some from both categories } a movie or tv character, name 5 you would choose. Not the actors but the movie characters. You have to tell us why.

I'll be back with mine a little later. I can probably give you one clue though.....{And it's ok. I'll admit to being shallow enough that it'd be based purely on deliciousness}.

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get the InLinkz code

Two of the weekly link ups I can't give up.

2012-01-08T16:21:00.000+10:00

I said that I wasn't going to commit myself to the same number of link ups this year, as it takes time or energy away from really blogging (writing). But I can't help myself. I love these two. So first up, I'll bookend Thea's Sunday Sessions.

This week, I'm choosing the same song, just covered twice. This video went viral a week or so back, and has probably been seen by most of you by now. Tough. :)

I have a crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt so that was the hook. I've never really seen the appeal of Zooey Deschanel before. Turns out, the girl can sing! I mean actually sing! Who knew? (Well..the rest of the world, but shut up. I'm slow).

It seems a good fit for the first Sunday Sessions of the year.

I've heard they're really close friends, and I have to say: I actually think they're really cute together. Enough that I'm thinking of watching (500)Days of Summer tonight (I've always avoided it because I knew the ending, but what the hell, let's see what all of the fuss is about).

I'll add the second version of the song at the end. But lets move on to the other Sunday Link Up I love. Head on over to Pinterest and load up some of the pins you've liked this week, then link up with Tina from Tina Gray {dot} me.

That kind of song really gets me in a romantic mood, so I guess that's the theme I'm going with this week. It makes me think of twinkling lights, champagne, lovers and dancing..

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And finishing up with another version of the song at the beginning, a full version. Now. It's an oldie. It's been covered by just about everyone; most notably Nancy Wilson, my beloved Ella Fitzgerald, Diana Krall, the list goes on. And I've listened literally to more than half a dozen versions this morning, trying to pick a favourite. In the end (while I assumed at the beginning I'd go with Ella), it was one of my favourite singers ever that won me over.

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Dreamy Sigh. I'll meet you for New Year's Harry.

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Cross my heart, hope to die. Stick a......

2012-01-06T23:34:00.000+10:00

You know that awkward moment when it's 11pm and you're tired? Your arthritis is bad and your fingers don't want to work?

And you're giving yourself your final dose of insulin for the night and you drop the insulin pen (cap off)? And you try to catch it but it lands on your thigh. And it pierces your skin, (but hey, that's not the first time that's happened) and kind of bends the needle a tiny bit?

And you pick it up gingerly and as you grab a tissue to wipe that tiny bit of blood you fumble the stupid insulin pen again? Which you were stupid enough NOT to replace the cap? And you fumble it some more and some more until somehow you bat it UP?

And find yourself missing your eyeball with an exposed needle by maybe a 1cm or 2? And you think it'd be a funny blog post so you google 'needle in eyeball' and you get more than a little freaked out. Because Holy.Crap! There are needles in people's eyeballs! (Don't google it. Honest. Trust me......Now see..I told you not to. Don't say I didn't warn you).

I was easy on you. You're welcome.

No?

Um. Yeah. Me either.....

Trying

2012-01-06T00:29:00.000+10:00

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I've been quiet again for a few days. I'm not sure where to start. I went into this new year (for heaven's sake, it's only 6 days old) with such optimism.

I told myself that this was the year for me. Throw off the shackles of living with chronic pain and depression and anxiety. Get moving. Get out there. Drop the weight. Make a friend. Spend more time hanging out with the people I love.

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Somehow though, the pain receptors in my body didn't get the memo. And I don't know how to talk about that on here. I'm still getting a big of negative 'feedback' from the other situation, and a lot of it involves being fat, being sick, being an 'attention seeker'. And I told you all, I told Joel and I told myself that I was going to be so much more positive.

And mostly, I still am. I still believe that this could be such a happy year for us. New home. New start. Plans. I feel positive, mentally. I get down, I'm ridiculously hormonal (my body has no idea what it's doing. My period has run away - the last was in October; we're just waiting on blood test results to find out what's up. Don't get excited. I had a Tubal Ligation when I had Sam), but mostly I'm ok. In my head.

But I don't know how to describe how hard it is to start following through when it hurts so much to stand. I don't know how to tell you that it feels impossible to go for a walk when my shoulder is spasming so badly it's a visible twitch. My joints (which according to my Rheumatologist have NO inflammation, despite blood test results saying otherwise) are swollen, stiff, weak. Not just the joints. All of the bones in my hands and wrists. Stabbing pain that comes and goes and some days make it impossible to hold a coffee cup.

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The very top of my back (right before it turns into neck) has been tingling for 3 months. I'm not talking just pins and needles. I'm talking about a mosquito in your room at night. A constant ringing in your ears. The kind of thing you cannot ignore, no matter how hard you try. It's Always front and centre.

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Hips and pelvis feel like right before I had Sam. It's like the SPD (that saw me in hospital for bed rest and pain management on and off for the week or two before I had him) is back again, as vicious and twisted as last time. It runs down my leg and takes my breath away when it pinches the nerves.

I've gone to the Doctors 3 times in the last 3 months. Determined to address the pain issues properly. Have them rerun the inflammation markers again now that the Pred is out of my system. Get an X Ray done on my hip and my lower back. I've chickened out each time. I feel like I'm no longer going to get help from any doctor. I feel completely alone in this.

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So. That's why I'm quiet. At the moment, for the past few days at least, all there is is pain. It's all I know, it's all I feel, it's all there is. There's nothing to write about. Well no, there's plenty to write about. But not the presence of mind to do it justice. Forgive this. I really am going to try so much harder. I don't want my blog to be depressing this year.

But I also said I'd write like no one was reading. I said I'd write honestly and for me. And I'm trying to minimise this in front of Joel, as much as one can when they can barely walk. So this is the only place I can pour this out. And on nights like this, when the medication they gave me simply has taken the pain from unbearable to barely manageable, I will come here. I don't expect comments. I don't want pity. There IS good. And when I'm clearer in my head, I'll blog it.

I want to talk about the boys. I want to talk about my feelings about the upcoming school year (I need to talk to you about it). I want to talk about the US Republican Primary race. I want to talk to you about ideas I have for the house. I want to share some funny videos, some music. Some pretty pics. I want to share some blog love.

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It's coming. Bare with me. I'm here. I'm trying to read you all, and comment too, when I can. But with me feeling crappy and school holidays, it may be sporadic.

New Year Inspiration

2012-01-02T20:34:00.002+10:00

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Tina from Tina Gray {dot} me shared a few links. They were sites that were filled with blog post prompts, writing ideas, discussion ideas...you get the idea. I have decided that at least once a week, I'm going to randomly choose one.

I'd love it if you took up the prompts too. I'll post one every Monday and some time during the week, you can do your own post about it. I may turn this into a linky (but don't know how to make a button, so will have to wait until I can find someone to make it for me. We can just call it the Blog Prompt link up or something simple). But for now, if you choose to write the post, just pop back in here and leave the link in the comments. I'll post all of the links on my Facebook Blog page.

I have a linky pic!!!! ****

This week's prompt:

"If you could only give your children one piece of advice, what would it be?"

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I thought about this for a moment, thinking it would be hard. Of all of the wisdom we want to impart to our sons, what woud be the most important? But honestly, it took only minutes to settle. I know what I want my sons to be.

Be kind. To everyone.

No matter who they meet or where or how, I want my sons to be kind. With rare exceptions, I am kind and polite to everyone I meet, and so is Joel. I want them to be kind. Even more (perhaps less of my snark would help?).

Being kind won't always mean they 'win'. It won't always mean they get what they want. And to many it may seem like I'm grooming them to be pushovers. But I believe that if you are kind to people, you will receive that back. More importantly, you don't know how that might impact them. You don't know that your kindness might not have a profound affect on someone, on a day or at a time they need it most.

And even if they don't get the job, win the race, get the girl {who if she doesn't love a kind, gentle man, doesn't deserve them anyway}, they will know what they did the right thing.

I want them to have the reputation their father had when I met him {and still has}. I was told by so many what a nice guy he was. Sweet, gentle, caring. Kind. Compassionate. It may have seen him in the 'friend' category from the word go, but it was the basis of a deep, passionate, lasting love. The love that created these two precious children we adore so much. The love that resonates in this home where hugs and kisses and laughter and "I-love-you"s abound. A love displayed openly in front of our children, that has them comfortable with affection, quick to proclaim their love to us - enthusiastically and often.

I have always been kind. Or tried to be. I've not always succeeded. I am estranged from my siblings, it's true. But because I got tired of always feeling walked over. I lashed out just before the BP diagnosis. I don't regret the estrangement that followed; my life is far more peaceful now. But I regret the venom with which I erupted, finally breaking free from them.

The blog post I wrote only a week or two back. It wasn't kind. I stand by my thoughts about the award. I stand by my belief they werent' racially based. But in hindsight, it wasn't kind. Singling out someone publically and speaking ill of their blog, no matter my thoughts on it, was unkind . It was unlike me and I regret it. It disappointed people who know me, and I regret that more.

So, my sons. Be better than me. Be kind, to everyone you meet. Whether it be your friends at school or work; the person serving you in line; your family or your wives or children - please be kind. Be ever aware of a person's feelings. Do your upmost to treat people with kindness and respect. Surround yourself with others who are kind.

I'm already seeing this in both of you, particularly in you Alexander - the fact that you'll do anything to avoid hurting anyone else's feelings.

I'll love you no matter what. But nothing, nothing you could do or be would make me prouder.

(With HUGE thanks to Kirsty from Mummy to Five for making this for me tonight. I love it. I will find out how to turn it into a button with a code underneath. Yes. I am that bad at this kind of thing).

Anne girl was right.

2011-12-31T22:11:00.000+10:00

I saw this tweet this evening and it rang true. "Tomorrow is a new day ~~{year}~~ with no mistakes in it yet." It's Anne Shirley talking to Marilla.

I'm not going to do a recap of 2011. Suffice it to say, there are very few people I know for whom it wasn't horrendous. Let's not dwell. Onwards and upwards. I've decided not to look backwards tonight but forwards into what hopefully is going to be a wonderful year.

My goals for this year are relatively straight forward (though not all easy).

I want to get on top of my health issues. It will mean dropping the extra weight from the prednisone, and probably another 25 after that. It will probably mean following the advice of my GP and my Rheumatologist and having surgery.

I won't talk numbers (because I'm not really sure of a number) but I want to drop at least 2 dress sizes. And I want to be brave enough to buy something bold and red by the end of the year. I want to wear more colours I love - whites, soft pinks, soft yellows.

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Finish Sam's assessments for autism. Need to get on top of that quickly.

Settle in and make this house a home. I'm in love with it already, but my head is filled with the little touches that will make me love it more.

Blog. Blog often and well. Be interesting, engaging and true to me. No advertising, pleas for votes, chasing stats. Just blogging. Like I used to.

Stop waiting til I'm better to get on with my life. This flare up, or whatever is going on has robbed me of more than 18 months. Enough. I'll find ways to get out of the house. Find things that make me happy. Find ways to make other people happy.

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I promised Joel I would try to be more social, try to get out more. I want to complain to him less about the pain - push through it and go with him when he takes the boys out on their weekend adventures (well ok. Some of them).

I want to read even more. I have a list of 30 books I want to read this year. The others can fit in as they take my fancy. I want to read at least 52 books again this year. And every year. I may look into a Kindle or a Kobo (probably the latter) so I can read when I'm out. I miss going everywhere with a book.

Starting with these, Again.P.E Island seems like the very best place in the world to start wtih the happy.<3<3

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I want to get back into baking. But less chocolate. More oats and more healthful cooking all around for the entire family.

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Whatever robbed me of my sweet tooth and provided me an aversion to all but about half a dozen foods - I hope it stays. I can live on ice, honest. It has to be good.

I want to be brave enough to go to the Conference in March and not hide from the world. I will still be bloated from the Pred/Cushings. I had hoped it would be gone but it's not. I have to accept that that's the first impression everyone will get of me, and then throw caution to the wind and make them like me anyway. :)

But mostly. I want to spend more GOOD quality time with Joel and the boys. More family days out. More time with just Joel and I. More time with my Sister in law Tammy, and watching our children play together in the cubby. I want to take care of Dad and Koko.

It sounds like a lot of things. But with the exception of one, they're all relatively small and simple. They just require motivation. Reminding myself that there is much to be happy about, I just have to get up and look for it!

So here's to 2012 and looking for it! May we all find a piece of it together.

Source: laurawinslowphotography.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Around the Year in 52 books.

2011-12-30T15:14:00.000+10:00

Source: littlebookshoparoundthecorner.tumblr.com via Melissa on Pinterest

If you've been reading a while, you may have seen a few updates as a friend and I set ourselves the challenge earlier this year, of reading 52 books in 2011. She breezed through with 57! Not bad for a mother of 3 children under 6.

I stumbled a little in the middle of the year, as my eyesight diminished so greatly, and have had to finish the year with my computer. All of my books now are e-books and it's not as portable. (Yes, I know that at some point I may consider a Kindle. I just have to get a decent look at one and make sure it's big enough for me to see properly. Portable is great, but I have to be able to read it with out scrolling three times to finish a sentence).

I did download an program for my computer though that converts all kinds of e-books and lets me read them here. Calibre (Thank you Simone) has been a saviour to me. Honestly, going from being the girl who never left the house without a book to not being able to read school newsletters and patient forms at the Doctor's surgery hurt me more than I can say. And while Calibre is great, it doesn't take away from the deep sense of loss I feel. I'll never again walk into a bookstore and just buy whatever I want. Read easily to my children. Smell old books while exploring a second hand bookstore. I think I've yet to really deal with that. For now though..on to the challenge update.

I haven't updated in a while, so I'm not even sure if I made the 52. My last proper update was in October, and I still haven't changed the "What I'm reading on my sidebar" (Someone remind me to do that tomorrow?).

So. Without reviewing them all (I reviewed a bit in the other updates, but this is just a quickie), here are the books I managed to read in 2011. Some are old favourites, that I simply can't help but read again. Some are new favourites that may well get re-read again next year.

1. What Alice Forgot - Liane Moriaty

2. Paradise House - Erica James

3. Handbags and Gladrags - Maggie Alderson

4. Life Swap - Jane Green

5. Seven Ancient Wonders - Matthew Reilly

6. Six Sacred Stones - Matthew Reilly

7. Five Ancient Warriors - Matthew Reilly

8. An Amish Gathering - Beth Wiseman, Kathleen Fuller and Barbara Cameron

9. The Covenant - Beverly Lewis

(It was around this time that my first eye issues began. So what followed were some woeful large-print books from the library).

10. How to Knit a Love Song - Rachael Herron

11. Songs of the West - Nora Roberts.

12. The Future Scrolls - Fern Michaels

13. The Land of Summer - Charlotte Bingham

14. Sister's Choice - Emilie Richards

15. She's the One - Cathy Kelly

16. The Italian Wedding - Nicky Pellegrino

17. Sowing the Seeds of Love - Tara Heavey

18. The Glassblower of Murano - Marina Foriato

19. Catch-22 - Joseph Heller (I don't know why this is coming out in a different colour. I'm C&Ping).

20. What she wants - Cathy Kelly

21. The Spare Room - Helen Garner.

22. Always Looking Up - The Adventures of an incurable Optimist - Michael J.Fox

23. The Wife of Martin Guerre - Janet Lewis

24. The Best Advice I Ever Got - Katie Couric

25 - Rumour Has It - Jill Mansell.

26. The Paris Wife - Paula McClain

27. Sweet Valley Confidential - Ten Years Later

Then the trailers started coming out for Twilight Breaking Dawn. So. There was this (and I forgot one in that update).

28. Twilight

29. Twilight-New Moon

30. Twilight - Eclipse

31. Twilight Breaking Dawn

32. Twilight - The Second short life of Bree Tanner

Shut.Up. It could be worse. I could be watching Jersey Shore. ;-) Having said that, I did feel the need to step it up a little. Therefore:

33. Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen

34. Much Ado about Nothing - William Shakespeare

35. Figuring out Fibromyaglia - Dr Geneva Liptan

36. The Bought Wife - Juliet Landon (the problem with e-books or large print? You don't always see a cover that says "This is a crappy Mills and Boon type book that you would not have even read when you were 13).

37. Fortune's Rocks - Anita Shreve

38.The Last Time I saw You. - Elizabeth Berg

39.The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald

40. The Apocethary's Daughter - Julie Klassen

41. The Last Time They Met - Anita Shreve

42. How Will I Know? - Sheila O'Flanagan

43 - Then Came You - Julia Weiner

44. Stories I only tell my friends. Rob Lowe

45. The Secret Life of Dresses - Erin McKean

46. Little Women - Lousia May Alcott

47. Girl's Night In - Assorted Short Stories (this is the size of 2 books. HUGE. Loved it).

48. I am Nujood age 10 and divorced - Nujood Ali and Delphine Minoui
49. Dancing in Low Country - James Villas
50. Persuasion - Jane Austen (because I read it every year).
51. Pockets of Happiness - Naomi Ellis
52. Thinking in Pictures: And other reports from my life with Autism - Temple Grandin

Whoa. Scraped it in. I'm currently reading Prey by Michael Crichton. It's an old one I've read before, but right now I'm too tired to go for anything new. I'll be back in the new year with some of the books I really want to read in 2012 (there are over 500 books sitting in my e-reader. I'm never going to get them all read).

Source: roomzaar.com via Samantha on Pinterest

Jasmine and Mist

2011-12-30T11:59:00.001+10:00

15 years ago tonight, at about 9pm, I stood in the misting rain with the man I loved. He'd been my best friend for more than a year. He'd declared his love for me 12 short weeks before. We'd known, right away that there would be no 'dating'. Not 'getting to know' each other. We were the type of best friends who knew the good and the bad. We'd talked about unrequited loves, we'd talked about our families, what we wanted when we finally found the one. We'd talked about marriage and children and religion and money and jobs and politics (I have too many opinions, he has too few,lol). We'd had months of no-one believing for a moment that we weren't in love, no matter what we said (we were telling the truth. Maybe? We weren't in a relationship at all though) and then wanting to know why the hell not.

I was far to frightened and skittish to even let myself go there with Joel. He was off limits. It would have been to take the biggest risk - to take an incredibly happy, easy, meaningful relationship and change the dynamic.

But there was no helping it. He told me he loved me. I argued. We argued. I couldn't mess with things, everything was just perfect the way it is. And there was a part of me who still believed that I would not marry early. That men my age would not see past a size 16 figure. He had never been attractive to anyone like me before, why would he be now? No. Best to leave things alone.

I wrote him a letter explaining why I didn't want a relationship (except for the "I'm unlovable" part). He was on my doorstep the next morning. He kissed me again. Strongly, purposefully. Determined. And as my arms made my way from his chest to around his neck, playing with the soft curls there, it was done. All too late. We were helplessly in love.

We knew, from the very beginning of our romance, this was a forever love. We could settle for nothing less. It was to take the biggest risk of all - to take an incredibly happy, easy, meaningful friendship and changing the dynamic.

And we knew, that sooner rather than later, we would wed.

Still. There has to be that moment, doesn't there? A moment when a beautiful and wistful idea becomes something more. Words are spoken, 6 words that turn a lovely thought as I fall asleep at night, missing him already; into something real, deliberate, decisive.

I was giddy from the rain (I'm easily pleased). I was talking a mile a minute while he smiled indulgently at me (not a lot has change there, sorry Baby). I suspected, though it would be years before I told him I'd known. But know I did..his eyes gave it away. He had a look on his face like he just couldn't wait anymore. It had to be now.

And I stood there, and there were but a few thoughts in my normal frantic head. I knew we were in it. It was unplanned. As in, unplanned for this moment. I knew he didn't have the ring yet. But I knew this was it. And it was almost like a soft focus, though I remember details. I could smell rain and jasmine. To this day it is one of my favourite scents, and it never fails to take me back to that night.

I was so happy to be getting the soft shower from above, almost feeling like God's blessing on this moment. We were outside and I loved that despite the light mist, we could still see the stars. I smelled Joel's aftershave - Obsession. Just a hint of it. He wore a long sleeved, dark blue dress shirt, and black dress pants.. That blue is still my favourite colour to see him in. I have no idea what I wore. I can't find it in myself to care.

There was no soft music. There were no fireworks. There was no public declaration of love (oh, I will never thank him enough for that. I find them cute for other people. Mortifying for me). There was just a boy, down on one knee, asking a girl to marry him. And 15 years ago tonight, I said Yes.

I don't have our proposal on tape of course, but they're on my mind. I love a soppy love story and a teary proposal. Here's some videos for you, just for something happy to watch today.

(He can't sing, but I'll confess. I got teary. I'm blaming the hormones).

Source: youtube.com via Meagan on Pinterest

A funny one...

Source: weheartit.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Melissa on Pinterest

It's been 15 years since that perfect moment. He's given me a thousand more perfect moments. He's still the love of my life. I love you Joel, even more than I did that night, under the stars, in the mist.

Blogger Interviews 4 - Seven Cherubs

2011-12-29T18:49:00.001+10:00

Now that the fuss seems the be dying down and it's business as usual (almost) here, I thought we could get back to our Blogger Interviews. So far I've interviewed Jodie, Alyce and Lisa.

Today, I'm happy to bring you an interview with one of Queensland's top bloggers, Naomi from Seven Cherubs.

Seven Cherubs - Blogger Interviews

Tell us something about yourself. In as many or as few words as you like. Who are you?

Hello, my name is Naomi and I am stay at home mother and blogger. I am a chocolate lover, kitchen dancer, jewellery addict, commuter bus driver, happiness seeker, home decorator and motherhood advocate. I am also a Mormon. Yes, I am the mother of seven children or cherubs as we like to call them and I am also the wife to a wonderful spunky man, Matt. We have four girls and three boys, with one set of twin boys just to make life interesting. We had seven children in nine years. It was insane, it was intense and it was busy. Many lessons were learned during this time and I love to share what we know.

Image from www.sevencherubs.com

How long have you been blogging? What made you decide to sit down and actually start blogging. Did you find it easy to settle into, or a struggle at first?

I have been blogging for nearly 2 years on my seven cherubs blog and I first started Seven Cherubs to keep my family updated on what was happening in our lives as they all live interstate. I have always wanted to write in a public forum but was too scared. At the beginning of having a blog, I hid behind my children (meaning I only wrote about them) until I felt brave enough to share my own voice, my own thoughts and opinions in relation to motherhood and what was in my heart. Now I just say what I feel and don’t hold back.

What do you like to blog about?

I love to blog about being a mother, happiness and anything that relates to being a woman. I especially love to blog about chocolate, jewellery and shoes!

Source: etsy.com via Melissa on Pinterest

When you were 10, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be an archeologist as I was fascinated with history. This fascination from a young age led me on to my degree where one of my majors is in history.

What is your favourite: colour/book/tv show/movie/flower

My favourite colour is blue

My favourite book is currently The Hobbit

My favourite TV show - hardly watch TV but I love Life - the American crime show

My favourite movie - Cheaper by the Dozen {my boys LOVE this movie, but Sammy can't say it properly so he calls it "CheekyBuggerDozen"-all in one world. :D }

My favourite flower - Oriental Lily

Source: google.com via elise on Pinterest

If you could do or be anything you wanted, what would you choose?

I tell you I am currently living my dream. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mum and to write. Being a blogger allows me to do that. Maybe a jewellery blogger as well but I kind of do that anyway. Totally happy.

Tell me something about your first {real} kiss. What was his name? How old were you? Was it nice?

First kiss. Hmmm...I was scared, he was a little older than me and he was a good friend. Tragically several years later he killed himself. He died young and remembering my first kiss always makes me feel sad. {I'm so sorry to hear that, Naomi}

What are you blogging goals for 2012?

To keep writing and to meet more awesome people. I also have another ebook I am currently writing and hope to share in 2012.

Do you have any special plans or resolutions personally for next year?

Work on my own health more. To increase my fitness and to get to bed earlier! {Yes, Ms Up-All-Night!}

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose, and why?

On the beach any where in Australia. I love the smell, the waves and the view of the ocean. It calms me and I would love to live near it.

What inspires you? In your life? In your blog?

My family and especially my children. They inspire me to be better and to reach inside myself to improve daily. I am also inspired by the many wonderful readers of my blog. The comments they leave touch my heart.

Do you have a favourite blog, or a blog/site you go to that just makes you feel good?

I love the blog 71 Toes. I visit every day. It is the only blog I visit every single day.

An oldie but a goodie – You get to have dinner with 5 people, past, present or fictional. Who do you choose?

1. Shawni Pothier from 71 toes blog so I can chat to her about being a mother 2. Julie B Beck a women’s leader from my church who I admire so I can talk to her about inspiring women 3. Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim as I have not met her yet and I can chat to her about blogging 4. Brene Brown to chat about self love and 5. Gretchin Rubin to talk about happiness

Is there something (besides blogging of course ) that you’re really good at? Or, conversely – really bad at?

I am bad at singing. Seriously bad. I have been told that no-one could help me learn to sing! However, I am really good at home decorating. People always comment on the way I have decorated my home and how I have used different colours through out my home. I love doing it as well.

Plug your blog. Tell us a little bit about it.

Seven Cherubs is about mothering, parenting, happiness and womanhood. It is about inspiring women to believe in themselves, creating moments of happiness and believing that we can make a difference as mother’s. Pop on over and say Hi!

Naomi is a blogger, writer, chocolate lover, kitchen dancer, jewellery addict, commuter bus driver, happiness seeker, home decorator and motherhood advocate. She blogs at www.sevencherubs.com and recently wrote her first ebook, Pockets of Happiness. You can also find her on facebook and twitter.

Image from www.sevencherubs.com

A trip down Memory Lane - I'll be seeing you.

2011-12-27T16:19:00.000+10:00

Lori from RRSAHM today posted a link to an old Muse Wars challenge she wrote. A couple of years ago I started a challenge. We would choose a photo, and everyone was invited to come up with a piece of Flash Fiction (no real word limit, most were between 500-1000 words).

I miss that. This is part of what I was talking about when I said that I wanted to go back to my real writing. Do you know, I haven't written a piece of fiction in over 2 years? I don't know if it's the medication or just my confidence, but not really anything since the BiPolar dx.

I want to remedy that in 2012. Not necessarily every week. Maybe I'll do one every month. Or maybe just whenever the mood strikes me. I just know I'll have to be more aware, more accepting and ready for the Muse when she strikes me.

So. Linking up to the same one Lori linked to. It's actually one of my favourites. I hope you enjoy it.

(NOTE: The photo on top is the photo we were all working with. Karen from Menopausal Mumma chose it).

He stumbled, just for a moment. On what, he wasn't sure, and he couldn't bring himself to care. An arm reached out, ready to steady him and for a second he forgot, and let himself grab it. The hand was soft, but those fingers too long, and when he looked down he could see they belonged to his daughter. He flinched, forcing himself not to pull away, not to hurt her feelings. But those were the wrong hands. He didn't want any other hands.

Slowly he made his way up the hill, his son and daughter hovering at either side of him. Why, oh why did they have to be here for this? He knew it was their right, they needed it too. But oh, how he needed silence right now, a last moment with her, in their special place.

The wind rushed through the long grass, almost flattening it, and his mind took him back to this exact spot, nearly 50 years ago. The first time he'd laid down a picnic blanket, and held his hand out to hers. The awe as she smiled, and placed her hand in his, and sat down before him. His nervousness, trying to decide just how close to her he could sit.

Just a couple of months later with a chill in the air and both of them bundled up in coats and gloves, in a halting whisper, he'd told her he loved her. Her eyes shone as she threw her arms around him, laughing as she returned the sentiment. She wasn't nearly as nervous as him, it was as though she already knew. She probably did. She always knew him better than he knew himself, always seemed to be a step ahead of him, especially in matters of the heart.

The spring came, bringing with it wildflowers and diamonds, promises of forever. Another blanket, carving out a flat spot for them within the tall grass, and they had made love for the first time. Still, decades later, the best day of his life. So much love, so much joy, so much to look forward to.

They'd been wed in a church, of course, though both had fought for this very spot, so sacred to them both. Hair blowing in the wind, the tall grass bending to it's will, the ocean below them. But this spot remained 'theirs'. This was the place they declared their love, consecrated it and they had come back here, year after year, bringing with them children and grandchildren.

And now, here he was. Joints protesting the walk up the hill, body oh so changed from the first time he'd come here with her. The town below them had changed over the years, but this spot had remained untouched.

Almost.

His eyes narrowed in surprise as he spotted a lonely wooden bench, perched at the top of their hill. He and Sarah had been here just 2 years ago, for their 45th wedding anniversary, and this had not been there. He bristled at the thought of someone else being here, and his heart broke at the thought of this place changing.

But of course it had changed. Would be forever changed. What good was it without her here to share it. He stopped, suddenly sure he didn't want to do this anymore. He couldnt' do it if their hill had changed. It felt wrong. He clutched the small vessel to his chest and felt tears pricking his eyes. His son placed a hand on his shoulder, willing him forward. "Just look, Dad". He'd never wanted to run away from anything more in his life.

A few more steps, and they were standing behind the bench. There was a small plaque.

Sarah Alice Gorman

1940 - 2009

Who so loves believes the impossible.

He stared, his brain unable to grasp what was before him. He looked up at his son and daughter. How?

"We finally got it up here a few weeks ago. She wanted it, for you. She wanted you to sit here, after she was gone. To sit with her. She said she knew you'd come, and she didn't want you on the ground", his daughter's chuckle matched his own. That was so...Sarah. Always a step ahead. Always thinking of him.

His trembling fingers traced her name and the quote, her favourite. It was perfect. Or as perfect as anything could be once you'd lost the love of your life. He'd woken every morning since she'd died last winter, just wishing he could have gone with her. Wondered how long he'd have to wait to be with her once more. And now, today, a year to the day since she'd left them, he had to somehow scatter her ashes, let the wind take her away from him yet again. He couldn't imagine actually letting her slip through his fingers that way, having no part of her left.

"Why don't you just sit a while, Dad. We don't have to do this right away". He nodded, clutching the urn, and sat on her bench. The bench that would bear her name forever, long after he'd joined his love again.

He sat that way, listening to the wind, watching the water below. Lost in memories. His daughter pressed a button, and suddenly Billie Holiday was crooning their song.

His eyes closed. He let the tears fall, tracing their way down the lines on his face.

Here. Now. In this place. To this song. It was time.

Let me know if you'd be interested in joining in again if we do restart next year. We can take it in turns to choose the following challenge picture.

A little nostalgia..

2011-12-24T11:20:00.000+10:00

Feeling a bit nostalgic this morning, thinking about my Mum. I was watching my boys "tango" (you have to be there. But it's so ridiculous, they never fail to end up a tangle of limbs on the floor, laughing too hard!). I was just thinking of how much she'd love to see that. And how much she'd love to see Alexander's imagination, and how he has to write everything down, stories, ideas, 'screenplays', signs, letters. All of it.

Got me thinking about how I love to write, and how my mother loved my writing. She was always telling me I needed to take it far more seriously, back in high school (when I sooo wanted to, but was in a school where there wasn't really provisions for anything but the absolute basics - a tiny school in the middle of the Northern Territory).

And I remembered an old post, a letter I'd written to her. I don't know if there's a weekend rewind on today, but I imagine not, the day before Christmas. So I'm having my own. There are some new readers (no, I don't mean those new readers) who won't know much about me or my blog, or my Mum - the reason I started this blog.

So here's a little insight into her. Enjoy (I hope).

This photo was taken during her 'breakdown'. One of a rare few good days. Around the time her journal was written.

And again. Have a safe and wonderful holiday. Be careful on the roads. And for my NT friends (Ok, mostly I mean you, Mellie) I hope the cyclone leaves you guys alone. Stay safe.

Back!

2011-12-23T10:19:00.000+10:00

source

Well that was fast. We moved in yesterday (well, by moved in, not a lot of boxes are unpacked, but I can't move today, so they're probably going to stay that way for a few hours yet) and Joel hooked up my computer last night "just in case". We have moved a few times over the years, and I can say that we've never been back online in less than a week, once or twice it took 4-6 weeks!

So imagine the shock when at 9.30 last night it was already done! Faster than the company had promised. (So a quick plug for PacNet who not only do we have a fabulous deal with, but has always had wonderful customer service and now has given us even FASTER internet than we had - we were expecting slower). And no. I'm not advertising or being paid to say this,lol. Still sticking to my promise. I'm taking a minimum of 6 months off from advertising or sponsored posts.

It feels good to be in though. The boys are desperately in love with their new cubby house We couldn't get them inside until after 7.30, they'd been there since 4ish, so that's a long time for my indoor-boy Alexander! They were both out there again by 7.30am.

Bad light, real estate pic. I'll get a better one when I can find the camera. There's a sandpit underneath.

Anyway, just touching base to say I'm back online. Even in the day I was away, and despite what I said in my last post, there have still been lots of comments on "that" post. As I closed comments on them, they are being left all over the place.

Please note, they still come to my inbox, and I still delete them as they come in. To be fair, I delete the nice ones too. If it directly refers to that post, it goes. You're welcome to tell me you hate me and I'm a fat, disgusting whore who should die. As long as you don't reference any other blog while you do it. ;-)

For everyone who responded and sent back their blogger interview, or who are lined up to do guest posts....I'm holding off. For your sakes. I don't want your blogs getting spammed with horrible comments. So for now, as much as I'd like to use them, I'm doing you a favour...trust me. :-) I just don't want you to think I'm ignoring you.

That's it for today. Let's hope things die down soon enough and things can go back to normal, with people chosing what blogs they like to read, and sticking to them.

Take care everyone. Have a SAFE, wonderful holiday.

(Kind of) Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-21T09:11:00.000+10:00

Source: damnyouautocorrect.com via Jonathan on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Krista Lee on Pinterest

Source: iwastesomuchtime.com via Brittanii on Pinterest

DYAC is my favourite site in the world now.

Source: failblog.org via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: epicwtfs.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: humorswitch.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Source: jyhslibrary.tumblr.com via Clair on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Dawne on Pinterest

Telling words from the woman herself.

2011-12-20T19:17:00.000+10:00

I was 'blessed' enough to actually get a direct comment from Xiaxue on Twitter today. I'd like to share it with you.

First she stated to someone that she believed me to be suicidal.

Xiaxue ♥‿♥ Xiaxue ★彡

@jrumpun I honestly believe she might commit suicide... Her life really seems to suck. :X

15 hours ago Favorite Retweet Reply

My reply:

Melissa4444 Things I'd Tell You

@Xiaxue @jrumpun Me not liking your blog is enough to make me commit suicide? Wow. You really ARE influential! ;-)

2 hours ago Favorite Reply Delete

And hers: A quick 1, 2, 3!

Xiaxue ♥‿♥ Xiaxue ★彡

@Melissa4444 no cunt, once again you display your inability to understand written words. It's the reaction from my readers.

1 hour ago Favorite Retweet Reply

Xiaxue ♥‿♥ Xiaxue ★彡

@Melissa4444 but since you appear strong enough, I'd say it's all that shit that already happened to you PLUS the reaction from my readers.

1 hour ago Favorite Retweet Reply

Xiaxue ♥‿♥ Xiaxue ★彡

@Melissa4444 I would never say anyone deserves what happened to you to happen to them, but if it HAD to happen to someone, well...

1 hour ago Favorite Undo Retweet Reply

Xiaxue ♥‿♥ Xiaxue ★彡

Go and suck cock you fucking fat white housewife bitches with nothing better to do. You wanted to hate me more right? HERE IT IS!!

1 hour ago Favorite Retweet Reply

I think it's fairly safe to say we're all done now, mkay? While you may have taken offence at my attack on one of your beloved bloggers, it is enough. While you have honestly completely misunderstood me and taken some of my comments as being racist, there's nothing more I can say to convince you otherwise.

But people I care about are getting upset by this. It's leaving a bad taste in the mouths of a lot. And even though there were no racial undertones in my initial (or subsequent) post, it has now very much turned into an Australia Vs Asia thing. That's just the most horrible thought to me. As someone who in the Australian blogosphere who is known as a bit of a bleeding heart leftie who is so ashamed of Australia's record on human rights, I'm appalled that ANYthing I have said has led anyone to believe that I am racist.

So. I'm shutting down the comments. I won't delete or edit any of them. I believe that no matter how hateful, everyone is entitled to their point of view. I think some of the comments that came from my detractors proved my point a bit though. In no way did I ever say that I hoped anything bad happened to any of you. I never said you would deserve to be raped, abused, sick or suffer loss. I never encouraged anyone to kill themselves and do the rest of the world a favour. I never called anyone fat, ugly, a troll or similar. I think that people who's only weapon in an argument are attacks like that have already lost.

Obviously, I don't know Wendy as well as any of you. Obviously she has an enormous appeal. It's clear by your loyalty to her. I've no doubt she is happy that she has so many loyal friends. And while I wish you'd gone about it differently, I can admire someone who commands that kind of loyalty from those who love them.

But I don't want my friends feeling they should defend me. I don't want them being insulted and hurt. I don't want them to be called names. So, no matter how it is received (and let's be honest here. Fans of Xiaxue and I'm sure Xiaxue herself will see this as another of their 'wins'), I will shut down further commenting on any posts related to this matter. I

I have you all plenty of time to be angry or disgusted by me. I gave you free reign to say about me what you wanted. Your time's up and you're no longer interesting to me.

I hope that Xiaxue has enjoyed the heady rush of another internet feud. I have no doubt another will come along for her soon enough.